Whoserpedia Wiki

This is the Whoserpedia's page for Doo Wop lyrics, covering the entire US series.

Auto Repair (Shelby)

Bowling (Diana)

Wayne Brady:
About Diana, where do I begin?
She lived her life right behind the pins.
She was smart. She wasn't dumb
Until she got stuck in the thing where the air comes from.

Chip Esten:
She lived so happy, there in Indiana.
That kooky lady we call Diana.
She was a bit of a nutter.
She met a sad death in the gutter.

Colin Mochrie:
Diana, you're dead, my little pet.
Unlike the pins, you cannot be reset.
You're dead. I'm having a fit.
You should've been spared, but now you've split.

Diana. Oh, why did she go?

All: Why did she go?

Cheese (Anna) (1)


Cheese (Anna) (2)

Dairy (Helga)

Desserts (Rachel)

Exterminator (Jessica)

Wayne Brady:
Oh, oh, Jessica!
Damn, baby.
Now, Jessica. I know that I wasn't a great spouse.
Oh, Jessica. In fact, you could say I was a louse.
All the time together, now, we've spent.
You're not the first girl to die when I pitched a tent.

Ryan Stiles:
Oh Jessica, the girl that I adore.
You died one day while running across the floor.
You're the best girl that I ever had,
And there you lie dead on a sticky pad.

Colin Mochrie:
Oh Jessica, you were my habit.
We made love like two little horny rabbits.
But now you're dead. I lost my erection.
I haven't felt this bad since that guy left One Direction.

Jessie, Jessica.
Now, Jessica. You're dead, and I'm so insane.
Jessica's gone, but

All: So is Zayne!

Fishing (Sarah)

Aahhhh aahhh aahh.

Wayne Brady:
Oooh, oooooh. Ooooooh, oooh.
Oh, Sarah. Oh, Sarah, it was my hope.
Oh, Sarah. You fell out of the boat.
Yes, oh Sarah. At swimming, you had no practice.
You talk about, "I'mma jump down and go all the way to Atlantis".

Ryan Stiles:
I love a girl and Sarah was her name.
She brought me nothing but pain, a lot of shame.
I'm kind of glad that God had took her.
But she was quite the fisherman, quite the little hooker.

Colin Mochrie:
Oh, Sarah. Wish your death had been cleaner.
I'm also sorry you died before you touched my weiner.
You were in a boat. It was really odd;
Killed by a fish. I guess it was an act of cod.

Oh, Sarah. Oh, my darling.
Sarah, impaled you with my marlin.
Oh, Sarah. Sarah.
And now, now she's drowned.

All: Sarah's... aaaaaahh aaaaahhhh....

Fruit (Caroline)

Gardening (Carol)

Wayne Brady:
Here's a little story about a girl named Carol I know.
She loved to garden, but she wasn't a garden hoe.
She'd sit outside. She would paint on her easel.
Her best friend was a garden weasel.

Brad Sherwood:
Carol died, but don't ask me how.
Well, okay. I'll tell you. She was run over by a plow.
She died there, but flowers grew up in her place.

Colin Mochrie:
Oh, Carol, why did you die on me
Just as I was going through puberty?
Dying that way. Oh, that hurts.
Why did you shove your head looking over the dirt?

Wayne and Brad:
She died. She died.

It's okay.
Carol, she's in the dirt.

All: She's in the dirt!

Gene Splicing (Erica)

Wayne Brady:
Well, Erica, if she had her way,
She'd know all the secrets of DNA.
When I left the house, I should not have left her alone.
She went into the basement and began to clone.

Chip Esten:
Her's is the saddest tale in all of America,
When I tell you how did die Erica.
It's so pathetic
And the answer is very genetic.

Wayne: It's very genetic.

Colin Mochrie:
Oh, Erica, up there in heaven.
I'm down here drowning my sorrows at the 7-11.
How could your experiment go so wrong?
Why'd you clone a big hungry King Kong?

Oh, oh. Erica.
Why'd you have to leave me alone?
Why'd you go? I just don't genome.

All: Erica!

Golfing (Lola)

Wayne Brady:
Now, here's a girl I didn't know too good.
She hung out on the weekends with Tiger Woods.
Poor Lola. She's taking a nap
Over by the green and the sand trap.

Chip Esten:
Well, I knew a girl and her name was Lola.
She was just walking by the fourteenth hole-a.
But now she's dead.
A titleist right on her head.

Colin Mochrie:
Oh, Lola. How could you die on me
After you got me through puberty?
Didn't you know the golf score?
Why didn't you duck when you heard them shout "Fore"?

I miss you, I miss you, oh Lola.
I'm tired. I'm tired.
Oh, Lola.
Died with the nine iron.
Oh, Lola.

All: Lola!

Hardware Storey (Karla)

Hockey (Cynthia)

Wayne Brady:
Oh, oh. Oooh.
Oh, Cynthia, my love for you is real.
The way you'd be on the ice, you know, that's how I feel.
Now, I loved you more than all of the others,
But we had to part because hockey's not played by most brothers.

Gary Anthony Williams:
Cynthia, baby, you looked so good,
But you fell on the ice like I never thought you would.
Still, I loved you with all of my soul
'Til you dropped down into your ice hole.

Colin Mochrie:
Oh, Cynthia. I love your bum.
You look so lovely. I miss your thumb.
Thinking of you there, I know the feeling's not phony.
I wish you were still alive, playing with my zamboni.

Oh, Cynthia. Oh, that was your luck.
Oh, Cynthia. You slept with the Anaheim Ducks.
Oh, Cynthia. Oh why? Why did you go?

All: Why did you go?

Hockey (Cynthia) (2)

India (Kelly)

Wayne Brady:
Oh, Kelly. I've got a picture of you on my celly.
Oh, Kelly. I loved you. You showed me your belly.
Oh, Kelly. Where are you now?
I'll treat you sacredly just like a cow.
It's not offensive. They like 'em!

Jeff Davis:
Kelly, why did you have to leave in such a hurry?
We were having so much just nibbling on that curry.
Then one day, you had to up and die.
I guess it's time for me to say, "Mumbai".

Colin Mochrie:
Oh, I loved you, my lovely Kelly.
Right there in the field, right in New Dehli.
A sacred cow hit you. I am so blue.
We were about to make love. Now, I guess you're not in the moooood.

Wayne: Oh, Kelly.
Jeff: She's from New Dehli.

Whoa, oh, oh, Kelly.
Why did you go?

All: Why did you go?

Wayne: On the Ganges!

Italian Restaurant (Veronica)

Knitting (Cheryl)

Wayne Brady:
Now let me tell you a little yarn
About a girl named Cheryl. She's gone. Oh darn.
She left my life. I don't know what to do.
Knit one, or maybe perl two.

Chip Esten:
I feel kind of guilty 'cause I'm her man.
She was making me a big afghan.
She knitted so fast and smart
That she got a needle in the heart.

Wayne: Bass man!

Ryan Stiles:
Oh, baby, I have to go
Because I don't love you. Don't love you so.
Now's the time we have to part.
She took that knitting needle and stabbed me in the heart.

Oh, Cheryl. Why did she go?
Oh, Cheryl. Can't knit no more.
Oh, Cheryl. Maybe she's knitting in the sky.

Maybe in heaven, I'll see her someday
And she'll just weave and save crochet.
Because Carol, she died when she was knitting.

Wayne: We love you, Carol. Cheryl!

Pet Store (Corrie)

Pharmacy (Brenda)

Plastic Surgery (Linda)

Plumbing (Maria)

Seafood (Ruby)

Softball (Harriet)

Wayne Brady:
She was a traitor, that softball player, Harriet.
She turned on her team like Judas Iscariot.
Of the litter, you were the runt.
Dot dot dot, I loved your bunt.

Ryan Stiles:
Oh, Harriet. We died while makng love.
I guess I should have taken off my glove.
You're dead now and that's that.
I guess she should have choked up on my bat.

Colin Mochrie:
Yes, Harriet. You were a bitch.
I didn't care because your father was so rich.
But I guess you died on the field. That's how it ends.
I guess we just learned diamonds aren't a girl's best friend.

Oh, Harriet. You're gone. How can it be?
Oh, Harriet. If I'd worn a glove, you wouldn't have caught an STD.
Oh, Harriet.
Oh, Harriet. Bye bye.
You're out!

All: Oohh, ooohh, oohh, oohh, oohhh!

Shopping (Olivia)

Wayne Brady:
Oh, Olivia.
Olivia, baby. You wanted to buy it all.
You wouldn't move out of your house just to live full time in a mall.
Yeah, you took when I said, "No shopping too hard".
When I had to kill you for using my black card.

Gary Anthony Williams:
Olivia, my baby. You make my blood boil,
Even though your name translates to be "olive oil".
You loved me so much, you made me feel like a man
'Til you was crushed to death by those soup cans.

Colin Mochrie:
Oh, Olivia. Live's a hard game.
You're dead, though "live" is in the middle of your name.
I tell you, the beans exploded all across the floor.
Now there's a big clean up over in aisle four.

Oh, Olivia. Why? Why? Why?
Oh, Olivia. Bye, bye, bye.
Oh, Olivia.
She shopped until she died.

All: 'Til she died!

Tae-Bo (Janet)

Wayne Brady:
Janet, oh Janet, oh Janet.
I was in love with a girl named Janet.
She was a physical fitness person just like she planned it.
She felt that she was kind of stout.
She was doing Tae-Bo and knocked herself out.

Chip Esten:
It was kind of sad. Who can you thank?
She tried to get in a fight with Billy Blanks.
I tried to be correcting.
She should've stuck to stamp collecting.

Stamp collecting!
Bass man!

Colin Mochrie:
Oh, Janet. You're something I abhorred.
Now you're dead. You're stiff as a board.
You bent way way back.
And ended up with your head inside your crack.

Janet, oh Janet.
Oh, oh, whoa Janet.
Oh, whoa. Oh-

All: Janet!

Taxidermy (Peggy)

Wayne Brady:
Oh, oh, oh. Oooohhh. Woooooo.
Now Peggy.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, and Peggy's her name.
Now, once I knew a girl and she was really leggy.
She was six feet five, and her name was Peggy.
She would read all of the books off of the shelf.
I remember the day she stuffed herself.

Jeff Davis:
Oh, I remember when she died.
I opened her up and reached up inside.
I stuffed that girl. Arms and legs and head and all.
Now, that girl is up on my wall.

Colin Mochrie:
Oh Peggy, you died so young.
Didn't have the chance to slip you the tongue.
Oh, you died. That was my bread.
Next time you stuff a tiger, make sure that he's dead.

She's Peg.
Whoa, whoa. She's Peg.
She's Peggy. Stuffed girl.
Whoah. Oh oohhh!


Wayne Brady:
Oh, oh, oh, oh.
I do the tru-u-u-u-uh
Oh, do the tru-u-u-u-ucker.
Oh, oh.
Listen, baby. You care how I feel?
I gotta hit the open roads on my sixteen wheels.
Oh, you can't stop me. Don't even try.
I just graduated from DeVry.

Brad Sherwood:
Well, just keep driving those eighteen wheels
And see how sleepy your eyelids feel.
Well, make sure you don't drive and dream,
And always carry plenty hemorrhoid cream.

Ryan Stiles:
Oh, baby. I drive a truck.
Oh, baby. It's just my luck.
You know, baby, I think that I've been driving much too long.
Now, I sing this trucker song.
Turns out, everytime now I stop,
The sound I make is "Pffffftt".

Do the trucker, trucker.
Do the trucker.

Do the trucker.

Do the truck, the tru-u-ucker.

Vacuum (Sarah)

Zoo (Emily)