Whoserpedia Wiki

This is the Whoserpedia's page for Greatest Hits lyrics, covering both the US and UK series.


Nobody's Ugly (Rhythm and Blues)

We'll Be Back (Japanese Pop)


D-I-V-O-R-C-E-I-R-S (Disco)

Wayne Brady:
Get out! Get out!
Listen to me, here's a fact you will believe
You cheated on me Now I want your ass to leave
That is right, none of this is funny
Just pack your bags, and give me all your money!
I said, "D-I-V-O-R-C-E-I-R-Sss!"
I said, "D-I-V-O-R-C-E-I-R-S!"

Your Love Has Bankrupted Me (Swing)

Because, I would bet seven
hoping that your love would, take me all the way to Heaven
but I guess when you gamble, you've got no luck
Your love has left me bankrupt
Oh, chapter eleven of the heart's what I got, it's hot
Chapter eleven of the heart's what I got
And when you ain't got me, ain't got nobody
See, 'cause chapter eleven is what I am
because your looove has left meee bankrupt
Why don't you get out of here? Oh, yeah!

Deduct This (Early Rock and Roll)

(as Little Richard) Whoo!
Here's something, I know you'll see
You'd better, better save all your receipts
because you've better save them
because you'll do the rest


Because if you don't, a-save your receipts
An accountant deduct, you'd better believe me
because, a-IRS deduct this!

Deduct! You're screwed!
Don't save it, now you're sued!
Oh, yeah!

Whoo-oo-oo, baby!
You'd better deduct this!

Acne (1)

Pop It (Mariachi)

Oily Cheeks (Les Miserables)

Acne (2)

I'm Clearin' Up (Swing)

I'm Putting Cream on it, I Don't Care who Sees (Bluegrass Rap)

Airline Travel

Coffee or Beef? (Samba)

Somebody Wake Up the Fat Guy (Rock and Roll)

If We're Going Down, I'm Doing the Stewardess (Rhythm and Blues)

Ant Farmer

Hey Look! Picnic (French Can-Can)

Insects and the Single Girl (Sitcom Theme Song)

I've Got a Thorax to Grind With You (The B52s)

Astronaut (1)

Too Close in a Capsule (Folk)

Splash Down! (Punk)

Astronaut (2)

Houston, We've got a Problem (Aerosmith & Run DMC)

One Small Step for Man (New Wave)


Sue Him. Sue Him Big (Yiddish Folk)

Wayne Brady:
Listen to me darling, and listen to this song.
If somebody hurts you or they might do you wrong,
There's only one thing that you can do.
You've got to sue.
And sue him big.
Let me tell you something, listen to mom,
Because if it hurts you, listen to this psalm.
If they hurt you,
You know-yi-yi you've got to sue big.
Because you've got to sue, sue, sue.
That's what you've got to do, got to sue.
I've been with you, from the cradle.
Oy my goodness, dreidel dreidel dreidel.
Just sue, sue,
Oy, got to sue.
Call me sometime!

Sequester This! (Jug Band)

Wayne Brady:
Well, you know in school sometimes there's a semester.
When you're in a case you've got to sequester.
That's when you move from state's aid,
And you know you're in denial.
Because you've done some wrong, can't get a fair trial.
You've got to sequester over there or sequester over here.
Got to sequester in someplace else that I know that is not clear.
Because if you can do it, you'll never get your case heard.
And now I'm going to this... 
(picks up a jug and starts blowing but the music stops)
My jug broke!

Attorneeeeeyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! (Yoko Ono)

Wayne Brady:
When I met John, what could I do?
I broke up the Beatles, they wanted to sue.
So I got myself a lawyer, and they did too.
I believe this is what the lawyer's called, I tell you,
Attorneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Bong!
Attorneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Bong!
(screams long high pitched note)


Killer on The Loose (Rap)

Scraping Bark off a Tree (Opera)


Grounds for Divorce (Johnny Cash and Kanye West)

Macchia--do-do-do-do-do-do-do (Rockabilly)


You're Just a Chicken, But What the Cluck? (German Drinking Song)

Brad Sherwood:
You're just a chicken, but what the cluck?
I'm a man who's full of luck.
I will give my chicken a feel.
Pull down my lederhosen and my glockenspiel.

Is That an Ear of Corn, or Are You Happy to See Me? (Punk)

You May Be Just a Horse, But You've Got a Hell of an Ass (Romantic French Ballad)

Brad Sherwood:
I want to take you and gallop away.
I love you, my horse. You're Maurice Chevalier.
I love your ass 'cause it is so tight and round.
And when I jump on your saddle, I'm up off the ground.
Whoaaa, ohhh!
I love you. You are my horse.
You're my true love and you caused my divorce.


Too Much Salt on The Rim (Barry White and Nicki Minaj)

Why's The Floor So Sticky? (Modern Funk)


If You're Out of Toilet Paper, Use the Towel Marked His (Rock Opera)

You Are My Suds, I Am Your Sponge ('50s Hit)

I'm So Small Because You Used All the Hot Water (Protest)

Beach (1)

Fair Skin and No Lotion (Johnny Cash and Drake)

Kelp (German Metal)

Beach (2)

Sand in the Crack (Opera)

Flirting With the Life Guard (Amy Winehouse and Christopher Walken)

Beauty Salon (1)

Moose Me (Techno)

Wax on, Wax off (Ska)

Beauty Salon (2)

You're Soaking in it (Prince and Johnny Cash)

The Shiatsu Is Too Hard (German Opera)


Hornets, Yellow Jackets, and Wasps (Ska)

Grabbing My Pollen (Green Day)

Whack the Hive (Square Dance)

Bus Driver

You're Not on My Root / Route (Michael Jackson)

Pffffffffffffff (Country and Western)

Wayne Brady:


Hmph hmph hmph hmph, crank crank, tssssh

Hmph hmph hmph hmph, crank crank, tssssh

Shoomp, ha ha ha ha, come on, come on, tssssh, tssssh

Hmph hmph, crank crank, shunk, TING, clink!

I Got a Flat Tire, I Got a Flat Tire ('80s Funk)


Tenderize This! (Disco)

Who's Got the Pork? (Ray Charles' Cousin, Buddy)

Weiners, Legs, and Chops (Ska)

Butcher (DVD Bonus)

Quit Poking the Rump Roast (Broadway)

Weiners, Legs, and Chops (Ska)

Camping in the Wild

Hand Me Some Leaves ('60s Protest)

Wayne Brady:
Well, I gone in the woods. Not my type.
I went behind the bushes. Ooh, I gotta wipe.
But let me tell you something, in my dreams.
Hey you, stop staring at me and hand me some leaves.

What's That Noise? (Reggae)

Wayne Brady:
Oh oh eh oh oh oh eh eh,
Listen man, come now.
Now let me, me tell you somethin'
That me think ain't no good.
Me like to hike and camp
And then me come out to the wood.
Me got meself a lot of food
That me don't like to share.
Roar! Oh my goodness what is that noise,
And could it be a bear?
A bear.
Do do do do do do do do do do,
Do do do do do do do do.

Look At the Different Things (Motown)

Wayne Brady:
Well, now tell me, now what do you see?
There goes some wood, some ants, and maybe a chipmunk in the tree.
There goes a picnic apple, and there goes a little kid,
And there goes a jar of mustard fallen over, and there's it's lid.
All these things in the forest, ai!
All these things in the forest, ai!
You got deer, you got mice,
You got squirrels, ain't that nice?
And there's a couple makin' love. Say what?
Now there's a couple makin' love. Shucks!

Car (1)

Beep, Beep! Snore, Snore (Garage Rock)

Out of Gas (Greek Wedding)

Car (2)

My Car is a Metaphor (German Techno)

Behind Tinted Windows (Two Tenors)


Crackedy Crack, Don't Talk Back (Tango)

Is That a Bulging Disc, Or Are You Happy to See Me? (Boogie Woogie)

Readjusting-justing While the Wind is Gusting-gusting (Gilbert and Sullivan)


(elephant sound) (Hawaiian)

Lion of Love (Fats Domino)

Coast Guard (1)

Is the Bow the pointy End? (Snoop Dog and His Dog)

Only one Life Jacket (Bollywood)

Coast Guard (2)

Women & Children first (Disco)

Whale (Punk)


Raa Raa Raa Ska Raa Raa (Ska)

Alma Mata Alma Fata (Cuban)

Construction Site

I Find You Riveting (French Ballad)

Hard Hat Vertigo (Motown)

Don't Touch the Wire, I'm Not Grounded (Wartime Hit)

I Can See My House From Here ('1940s Children's Hit)

Cowboy (1)

(hock) (pllt) (ding!) (Early Vaudeville)

The Sounds of Stirrups (Simon and Garfunkel)

You Yellow Bellied Lily Livered Ooooh Mother (Run DMC)

Cowboy (2)

Mm Moo (Hanson)

Hey, That Horse Looks Good (Grunge)

They Shot My Pa (Doo Wop Ballad)

Dallas (1)

Long Boots and Short Horses (The Lion King)

Everything's Bigger (Cajun)

Dallas (2)

Clowns in a Barrel (Rap Battle)

G is for Gun (The Muppets)


Just Say Novacaine (Salsa)

Wayne Brady:
Oh before you put the drill in my mouth, don't be so dumb.
You better use a lot of Novacaine to make my gums numb.

Chip Esten
'Cause if it hurts very much, out I must pass.
And I don't wany any of your laughing gas.

Wayne: So say Novacaine,
Chip: When you are feeling pain.
Wayne: Oh just say No-no-no-no,
Both: Vacaine.

It Has to Come Out (Wilson Pickett)

Wayne: Huh!
Chip: Ow!

Wayne Brady:
Huh. All right, now. Whoo!
Hey, now I took a trip to the dentist. I don't like him the best,
But I had to make a visit 'cause I had an abcess.

Chip Esten:
My little filling had rusted
And that's why he had to pull my bicuspid.

Both: Oh!
Chip: It had to come out.

Come on now!
Ooooow ow!
I said it had to

Both: Come out!
Chip: Whhoooaah!

Here we go, now.
Hey, I tried to use a doorknob, an anvil for gravity.
Lord try to help me pull that tooth, 'cause of the cavity.

Well my dentist really worked. He really was a trier.
At first he tried to drill and then he tried the pliers

Oh, he made me scream and shout.
Lord, it's

Both: Got to come out.
Wayne: Lord,
Both: It's got to come out.
Chip: Baby, baby, there ain't no doubt.
Wayne: Ooh, ow.

I Ain't Wearing No Braces (Heavy Metal)

Wayne Brady:
Now look at me, I'd like to eat meat.
I think red meat
Is a really good treat.

Chip Esten:
I'm in a lot of pain-ah.
I should wear my retainer.

I should wear braces. Yeah, yeah!
I don't give a damn. Why don't you just look it?
I really don't care if my two front teeth are crooked. Yeah.

I don't want them. Just look at him.
His mouth is full all of aluminium.


Detective and Cop Shows

Hey You, Get Off McCloud (Rolling Stones)

Ah, Just One More Thing (Opera)

Spritzer and Hutch (Burlesque Stripper Song)

DIY / Hardware Store

I'm Your Nail, So Hammer Me (Disco)

What the Hell Is It With All These Instructions? (Protest)

What Have You Done With My Tool? ('70s Reggae)

Doctor (1)

HMO (Devo)

Take Two and Call Me in the Morning (Rodgers and Hammerstein)

Cough While I Twist (Chubby Checker)

Doctor (2)

This Is Going to Hurt a Little (Mambo)

Gallstones Are a Girl's Worst Friend (Marilyn Monroe)

My Gown Has No Back (Stadium Rock)

Dog Walker

Scoop it Up (Bluegrass)

Don't Be Sniffing There (Funk)

No More Soft Food For You (Neville Brothers)

Exterminator (1)

Snarky the Mouse with PMS (Big Band Instrumental)

They're in the Walls ('80s Rock)

Rat's Life (Lounge)

Exterminator (2)

Ooh! A Spider! (Rockabilly)

You Go Under the House (Eartha Kitt)

Ants, Rats, and Gypsy Moths (Cher)


Hens in The Coop (Tap Dance)

Milking with Cold Hands (Adele)

Fast Food Worker

You're My Happy Meals and I'm Your Big Mac (Dixie Land)

Fast Food (Ice-T)

Fast Food Restaurant

Would you like fries with That? (Les Miserables)

Trade a Burger for some Toilet Paper (Russian Folk)

Fire Fighter (1)

Sliding Down the Pole (Beach Boys)

We Will Hose You (Queen)

Four Days On, Two Weeks Off (Latin Pop)

Fire Fighter (2)

Carry Your Head On My Shoulder (The Osmond Brothers)

Oops, We Hit the Dog (Country Boogie)

Fire Fighter (3)

Bring Out The Hose (60's Girl Group)

Catch The Baby (Calypso)

Fish Cutter

Of Cod and Country (Swing)

Someone Call the Carps (Jamaican Reggae)

Your Plaice or Mine? (Rock and Roll)

Flight Attendant

You Can't Use the First Class Can (Tom Petty)

Don't Call Me a Waitress (Flapper)

Do You Want Meat or Fish? (Thrash)

Football (1)

Who's That Tight End? (Disco)

Dallas 7, Green Bay 10 (Russian Ballad)

I Said Punt (Red Hot Chili Peppers)

Football (2)

Leg Crack, Leg Crack (Punk)

Look how far I can Kick (Bruce Springsteen and Pavarotti)

Garbage Man

Dump It (Young Michael Jackson)

Clang Bang Clang Bang Clang Clang Bang Bang Clang Bang (Tin Pan Alley)


Grab My Putter (Vaudeville)

Fore (Beach)

Hey, a Squirrel Chewed My Bag (Lounge)


Teeth in a Glass (Dueling Elvis')

I Never Really Loved your Grandma (Willie Nelson and The Incredible Hulk)


Hernia! (Latin Pop)

Love on the Treadmill (Beyoncé)

Hairdresser (1)

Blow-Dry (Cajun)

No Curls, Flat Scalp (CeeLo Green)

Hairdresser (2)

Mousse Me Up (Justin Bieber)

Look at my Roots (Beyonce)


Sugar High (Ragtime)

Spliters in your Knuckles (80's Hit)


Garrote Garrote Garrote (Duran Duran)

The Sound of Silencers (Salsa)

Hitman Girl (Blink 182)

Poison in Your Wine (Rockabilly)


Bodycheck of Love (Fats Domino)

Pffff (Smokey Robinson)

I Wanna Score on You (Cool and the Gang)

Holidays (1)

Don't Peak at your Gifts (Bollywood Musical)

Fourth of July Barbeque Blowout (Hamilton)

Holidays (2)

Budget Halloween (Bob Dylan)

Trick or Treat (Early Jazz)

Horror (1)

The Moon is Full and I'm Getting Hairy (Jitterbug)

Hit Me With Your Best Bolt (Pat Benatar)

Devil. There's a Devil. Whoa Devil. Whoa, That's a Devil (Red Hot Chili Peppers)

Horror (2)

The Eyes are Moving (Ska)

The Werewolf of Versailles (Les Miserables)

We Need Brains (Bob Dylan and The Swedish Chef)

Horror (3)

Let's Separate (Early Jazz)

Don't Open That Door (The Munchkins)

Hospital (UK)

Wow, This Soup is Cold ('50s Melody)

Slice Me, Dice Me, Nicedly Nice Me ('70s Tune)

I May Be Just an Optometrist, But I Only Have Eyes For You (Children's Classic)

Hospital (1)

I Just Sewed Up My Watch in You (Korean Pop featuring Johnny Cash)

ICU (Power Metal)

Hospital (2)

Love and a Gunshot in the Emergency (Bruce Springsteen and Stevie Wonder)

Obamacare (Beasie Boys)


Does It Look Swollen to You? (Reggae)

I've Got Them And They Hang Like Grapes (German Drinking Song)

Marry You, I Can't, I've Got a Penile Implant (Disco)

James Bond / International Spy (1)

How Does an Old Guy Like Me Get Such Young Chicks? (Hawaiian)

My Shoe is a Gun (Blues)

Blofeld On My Mind (Ethel Merman)

James Bond / International Spy (2)

007 Heaven (Chuck Berry)

I Just Do It For The Women (Aerosmith)

No, I Expect You To Die (Tina Turner)


License Plates and Cigarettes (Techno)

Conjugal Visit (Early Jazz)


I Just Peed During Naptime (Big Band)

I'm Pulling Sally's Pigtails (Kanye West and Neil Diamond)

Las Vegas (1)

I Dropped My Chips in Your Nuts (AC/DC)

High Roller Hooker (Bluegrass)

Roulette of Love (The Supremes)

Las Vegas (2)

I Lost My Wife on a Pair of Threes (Modern Calypso)

Watered Down Drinks (Russian)

Lifeguard (1)

Shark, Shark, I Think I See a Shark (Gospel)

Son of a Beach (Salsa)

(drowning sound) (Lounge)

Lifeguard (2)

Sunburns and Sand (Rock & Roll)

Kelp (Ragtime)

Lifeguard (3)

My Trunks are Riding Up (Les Miserables)

Riptide (Line Dancing)

Great White (Ska)

Locker Room

If You Drop the Soap, Leave It Where It Is (French Ballad)

You Call It Football, I Call It Soccer. What the Hell? (Disco)

Hey, Coach, What's With the Lederhosen? (German Drinking Song)

Los Angeles (1)

Free Lakers Tickets (Ska)

I'm On a New Diet (Prince and Keanu Reeves)

Los Angeles (2)

MOVE! (The Beach Boys)

I'm Getting you in The Tar Pit (Japanese Metal)

Lunch Lady

Aprons, Hair Nets, and Knee Highs (Hillbilly)

Don't Want Your Milk (Punk)

Mall (1)

Can't Find My Way Out (Disco)

There's No Smoking Here (Lady Gaga)

Mall (2)

Got Sick in the Food Court (Nicki Minaj)

Trapped on an Escalator (Japanese pop)

Marine Corps

Shine Those Shoes (Tex Mex)

Give Me Twenty (Jewel)

Let's Take a Shower (Swing)

Invading Peru For the Hell of It (Carlos Santana)


Too Drunk to Honeymoon (Honkey Tonk)

I'm the Groom (Beach Boys)

Cashbar (The B52s)

Mechanic (1)

Check Under the Hood ('70s Funk)

I'm Going to Lube You Whether You Like It Or Not (Snoop Dogg)

Super Transmission (Stevie Wonder)

Mechanic (2)

You're Down a Quart (Jason Derulo)

Jump Start (Tap Dance Music)

Mechanic (3)

GPS, Internet, Everything But a Damn Engine (Ed Sheeran)

This Damn Seat Ain’t Adjustable (Drunk Aunt Sheila)

Motel (1)

Pool on The Roof (Elvis)

The Saddest Gift Shop in the World (Simon & Garfunkle)

Motel (2)

Room 237 (Snoop Dog & Lil Wayne)

What's that Stain on the Lampshade? (Cab Calloway)

Motel (3)

Nothing in the Vending Machine (Bluegrass)

Más Huevos Por Favor! (Latin Pop)

Motel (4)

No Mint on The Pillow (Lounge)

Little Bar of Soap (Calypso)

Motorcycle (1)

Old Lady On My Hog (Mariachi)

Asphalt and Chaps ('60s Protest)

(engine sound) (Thrash)

Motorcycle (2)

The Harley of Seville (Opera)

Alabama Motorcycle Mama With the Llama (Boogie Woogie)

Movie Star

Red Carpet Treatment (Blink 182)

No Pictures, Please! (Ska)

I Got People for Everything (Mumford & Sons)

New Orleans (1)

Beads for Boobs (Irish Rock)

I'm Eating My Way Through a Broken Heart (Stadium Rock with the mic going in and out)

New Orleans (2)

I Found My Honey at the Mardi Gras (Animatronic Country Bear Band song for kids)

Booze in a Six Foot Glass (Beyoncé)

New York City

The Ball is Dropping (Ozzy Osbourne)

Where's The Snow? (Kabuki)

Norway (1)

Warm Warm Sauna, Cold Cold Water (Honkey Tonk)

When the Hell Is It Going to Get Dark? (Opera)

Norway (2)

A Boy Named Hagar (Johnny Cash)

Norway's Lovely, Would Rather Be in Greece (Temptations with the tempo speeding up)

Small Small Hole, Big Big Fish (Ska)

Nurse (1)

Four Hundred Dollar Bill (Reggae)

I'm Tire of Wearing White (Wyclef Jean and the Rock)

I Wish I Were a Doctor (Rockabilly)

Nurse (2)

It's Not That Kind of Thermometer (Earth Wind and Fire)

Turn and Cough (Mariachi)


My Tower is an Eiffel (Aerosmith)

Fifty Ways to Louvre Your Lover (Greek)

Petrol Station

Fill Me Up With Love (Love Ballad)

Josie Lawrence:
I'll be your fuel. You be my fool,
So fill me up. Come, baby. Pump, pump, pump.

Hey, Do Those Windows Baby (Country Western)

Josie Lawrence:
So, do those windows, baby. Rub my mirror clean.
I wanna see through my window. I wanna see it gleam.
Then, baby, baby, baby, I think you're oh so sweet.
A petrol attendant like you should join me in the backseat.

Hands Off My Muffler (Torch)

Josie Lawrence:
Hands off my muffler. Don't you know where it's been?
Hands off my muffler or I'll cover you in gasoline.

Lube Up (Disco)

Josie Lawrence:
Lube up! Huh! Get down!
Lube up! Fill me up now! Get down!
Well, I'm running out of gasoline on the motorway.
I pull over to a fuel station, and this is what I say.
"Everybody, lube up. Get down.
Get your pump out. Fill me up now."

Pizza Place

Mozzarella-la-la-la-la-la (Yodelling Country Western)

Chip: Heeee-eee-eee.
Wayne: Ohlala ohlolo ohlala ohlolo.
Chip: Lodelayee-ay.

Wayne Brady:
Oh, sometimes I think that I'm a lucky fella.
On my big deep-dish I like mozarella-la,

Chip Esten:
Sometimes, I think it tastes better
If you use a little gouda or you use a little cheddar,
But I also like to use my mozarella-la-la-la.

Here we go!
Mozzellay lalalay lololeyeeee,
Yololay lolollolo lay,
Mallarezz lalamollarella.

Both: Lolelaaaa!

Pizza Heckoutta U (College Fight Song)

Chip: Whooo!
Wayne: Whooo!
Chip:: Hey! Hey!
Both: Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!

Chip Esten:
We're gonna bake, bake, bake all our pizza.
All the other pizza teams will bust
Because ours are flaky and rich and meaty,
And they have a special crust.

Wayne Brady:
Oh here is something that'll knock you for a loop.
Pizza is a brand new food group.
That is right, don't be such a smarty.
Pizza is the best food at a frat party.

Chip: Yeah!
Wayne: Whooo!

Keep the Buck (Doo Wop)

Wayne: Doo-dooo-dooo,
Chip: Waaa-ahhh-ahhh,
Both: Ahhh-ahhh-ahhh.

Chip Esten
Well, well, well. Thank you, Thank you. You drove so far
In your little red and white blue car.
So thank you.
And you can keep the buck.

Wayne Brady:
Oh, and I know many pizza guys across the nation.
They do this job. They don't have higher education.
Oh, so why don't you just take this dollar and put it in your hand?
And maybe you can get a better job. Maybe by bein', hmm, a trashman.

Thank you, Now keep the buuuck.
Get back in your little white truck,
And you can,

Both: Keep the buck!

Plastic Surgeon (1)

The Rhinoplasty of Seville (Opera)

Fixing My Face in the Mirror (The 80's)

Plastic Surgeon (2)

Don't Give me no Liposuction (Country)

What to do with the Extra Nipple (Russian Folk)

Plumber (UK)

I'm Clogged, I'm Clogged. Oh No, I'm Clogged (British Pop)

Brad Sherwood:
I'm clogged. I'm going down the drain.
Flushed myself, 'cause I am half insane.

Wayne Brady:
Well, I shake me job for real not fake.
I'm so clogged, I need a plumbing snake.
Liquid Draino, give it to me,
'Cause I'm clo-o-o-o-o-ogged.

Brad: I'm clogged.

I'm Not Putting My Hand In There (Reggae)

Brad and Wayne: Eo!
Brad: Eo, da de de de de de o deo.

Wayne Brady:
Come now, come on, come come come again.
Come come, no no no no no.

Brad Sherwood:
You've got a problem with your pipes, well don't look back.
I'm not stickin' my hand in that plumbers crack.

Because you sit on me, man. Me wedding ring is stuck,
But you must be kinda crazy. Stick me hand up in that muck.
No no, me not gonna do that there for one thousand bucks.
Ain't not more.

Brad: No way oh, no way, I'm not gonna stick my hand in there.

I'm the Pipe Fitter (Early '50s)

Wayne Brady:
Oh oh oh!
Because you, you are my type.
I've got many wrenches to fit your pipe.
You come to me with the old gripe.
I'm the pipe fitter. Screw, screw, screw, nut, bolt, and wrench.

Brad Sherwood:
You know, I am someone you can trust.
And I promise, my pipes will never rust.

Wayne: Oh to be, the pipe fitter.
Brad: Oh oh oh, the pipe fitter.
Both Oooohhoooooo!

Plumber (1)

Sympathy For the Roto Rooter (Rolling Stones)

Wayne Brady:
One, two!
Yeah, oh baby.
Oh oh oh.
What do you do?
What's your job?
You've got the sink
And you know it's clogged.
It's the Roto Rooter,
And he has a very hard job.

Brad Sherwood:
Well, you know he's a real bad shooter.
We're talking 'bout the Roto Rooter.
Get on your little motor scooter,
And give a job to the

Both: Roto Rooter!
Brad: Baby.
Wayne: Sympathy! Sympathy!
Brad: Roto Rooter, baby.
Wayne: Sympathy! Sympathy!
Brad: Roto Rooter, baby.

For the RotoRooter.

Brad: Ooh-ooh!
Sympathy! Sympathy!

Who's Uncloggin'? (German Drinking Song)

Brad: Ladaladaladalayee!

Wayne Brady:
Ja ja, pluggen ze drain.
Who, da. Who can explain?
Uh huh, because I'm tuggin',
Das ut und vein sund un uden unpluggen!

Brad Sherwood:
The drain, it's so clogged,
And why? It's not fair.
It's clogged. It is clogged
With all of mein hair.
I do not understand.
I'm going on a toboggan.
Dum chigga bulla oompa ga,
ooh mein,

Both: Unkloggen!

You Can't Flush Me Away ('90s Rhythm and Blues)

Wayne Brady:
Well, you'll never never get rid of me. No one, push push.
You'll never get me to the toilet so you can flush.
I'll never never leave you, 'cause you've got part of my soul.
I'm gonna make love to you, girl, as I'm goin' down the bowl.

Brad Sherwood:
Baby, baby, listen to what I say.
You ain't never gonna, flush my love away.
I twirl around, any which way you please.
Baby, grab your toilet paper, 'cause I'm beggin' on my knees.

You're never fonna flush my love away.
Never gonna flush my love away.
No, never never flush my love away.

Wayne: Ehh yeah.
Brad: Ow.

Plumber (2)

Snake It (Rockabilly)

My Husband's Home (Hawaiian Ukulele)

Plumber (3)

My Pants Don't Fit and My Crack is Out (Adele)

I'm Gonna Charge You More Than a Doctor (Macklemore)

Postal Worker

Mail (Latin)

Put In In The Slot ('40s Boogie Woogie)

Hey Man, Tie Up Your Dog (Tina Turner)

Pregnancy (1)

Screw Lamaze, Give Me The Epidural (Elvis Presley)

Ooh, Placenta (KISS)

Pregnancy (2)

No, You Don't Look Fat (The Clash)

Do You Want to Cut the Cord (Reggae)

President (1)

That White House is Big (Talking Heads)

I'm Lying, He's Lying, We're All Lying (Swing)

President (2)

Where'd You Get the Cuban? (The Doors)

Ruckus is the Caucus (Disco)

Private Eye

Just Do Dustin' (MC Hammer)

Someone Cut My Nose ('50s Blues)

Opening the Door That's Locked-a (Ricky Martin)

Pro Bowler

Spray Le Shoes (French Ballad)

Wayne Brady:
Because my shoes you must inspect
You use Lysol to disinfect
They are bowling shoes, you must abuse them
But I will not wear them, fifty people have used them
Yes you see, ooh little bitty worms
Fifty people with foot fungus germs
Just spray them
Spray them, ooh lah lah

Gutterball (Doo Wop)

Wayne Brady:
I knew this girl, that I liked
She could not bowl at all, she couldn't make a strike
She'd take the ball, her hands they were like butter
She let go down the alley, and oh-oh hit the gutter

No-oh-oh-oh the gutter-ball

Bowl Me, Strike Me, Spare Me (Jerry Lee Lewis)

Wayne Brady:
Listen girl, let me tell you this
I love to bowl, and I won't miss
I'll take that ball, and that's not all
And down the pins, and I just won't miss

Now you can bowl me, strike me, spare
Oh listen girl, 'cuz I just don't care
Why don't you take your ball and get outta here
And listen to me, look at my derrière

Oh, I grab my ball, I put it down the alley
I go bowling with my girlfriend named Sally
She can't bowl, like I can
Because I've got two balls and I'm a bowling man

Bowl me, strike me, [?] this
[?] strike and you bowl, you miss
I guarantee that I won't miss
So when you [?], can you strike, can you spare me this?


Your Time's Up ('80s Rhythm and Blues)

Haphephobia's Better Than None (Reggae)

Freud or Jung, Who Knows? (Early Rock)

Race Car Driver (1)

Going to Walk Away When There's Fire (Macy Gray)

Rabbit on the Track (Honky Tonk)

Five Guys and a Motor (Louis Jordan)

Race Car Driver (2)

Axle Grease Rag (Dixieland)

(screech) Bang! (The Police)

Two Laps to Go (Lambada)

Retirement (1)

Puttering Around the Garden (Destiny's Child)

I'm Going to Torch the Place (Polka)

Shut Those Kids Up, I'm Trying to Sleep (Metal)

Retirement (2)

I'm Moving to Florida ('60s Protest)

Ach Gah Weh Leh Beh Leh Oh Yeh A-Lah Bah (Scottish Blues)

Rome (1)

You Brought Her, You Caesar (Tex Mex)

Pinched in the Piazza (The Offspring)

Rome (2)

Pizza Heck Out of Me (The Brady Bunch)

My Tower in Leaning ('60s Rhythm and Blues)


Evicted (Bellydance)

I Found Him in Bed With My Best Girl (Adele)

Safari (1)

Lion Nibbling on My Toes (Fats Waller)

Ants Ants Ants in My Pants (Jamaican Rap)

Man It's Hot (Tracy Chapman)

Safari (2)

There's a Pygmy in my Pocket and a Rhino on My Tail (Bob Fosse)

Hey, What'd I Step In? (Scat)

(elephant sound) (Salsa)

Safari (3)

I Shot The Giraffe (Reggae)

Sailing Down The River (Swing)

Safari (4)

Africa Hot (Rhythm & Booze)

Pith Helmet and Khakis (Elvis)

San Francisco (1)

Way Too Many Hills (Lil Wayne and Pavarotti)

Escape From the Rock (Boogie Woogie)

San Francisco (2)

Tale of The Fog Bandit (Johnny Cash and Yoko Ono)

I Haight-Ashbury (Hawaiian)

Science Fiction

Asteroid Boogaloo (Breakdance Music Video)

Obi Wan Kenobi With the Flowing Brown Robey (Incredibly Fast Jitterbug)


Be Prepared Because I Don't Know What's Going On (Jimmy Cliff)

It's a Bear, You're On Your Own (Electric Blues)

Killer Jamboree (Limp Bizkit)


Free Kick (Ska)

My Shorts Chafe (Tin Pan Alley)

I'm Not Really Hurt, But I'm Staying Down (Beasie Boys)

I Got a Yellow Card (Paul Robeson)


Mud Bath and Hoedowns (Lou Rawls and the Cast of South Park)

Hot Rocks (Swing)

Spring Break

Show Your Boobies (Macklemore)

Twelve in a Room (Lady Gaga)

Supermarket (1)

Clean up in Aisle 5 (Jamaican Dance Hall)

Love at the Checkout (Jay Z and Rick Astley)

Supermarket (2)

Twelve Items or Less (Scat)

Don't Cut The Line, Bitch (Irish Rock)

Taxi Driver (1)

I Can't Pronounce the Driver's Name (The Bee Gees)

Hey, I Think We're Going in Circles ('50s Rock and Roll)

Your Air Freshener Smells Like Crap (Punk)

Taxi Driver (2)

Oh, The Meter's Too Fast! (Ragtime)

There's Glass Between Us (Barry White)


Working Nine to Two (Surf)

Scaring the Substitute (Sting)

Faculty Lounge Fling (Big Band)


You're Thinking Of Your Mother (Reggae)

You're Just Nuts (Motown)

Traveling Salesman (1)

Is Your Husband Home? (Bluegrass)

Brushes, Encyclopedias, and Vacuum Cleaners (Blues)

Doorbell Wizard (The Who)

Traveling Salesman (2)

It Sucks Up Pennies (The Barenaked Ladies)

Knock, Knock, Hello, Slam ('60s Protest)

I Forgot My Pitch (The Bloodhound Gang)

Unattractive Men

When You Gnaw It Off, I'm Sleeping With My Horse (Country and Western)

Close You Eyes, And Maybe I'll Love You (British Pop)

If I Had a Penis, I Wouldn't Need You (Heavy Metal)

Water Park (1)

Way over my Head (The Munchkins)

I lost my trunks on the way Down (Bruce Springsteen and Nicki Minaj)

Water Park (2)

Mouth to Mouth in the Wading Pool (Stevie Wonder and Willie Nelson)

Yellow Water (Gilbert & Sullivan)

Warrior Princess

Lalalalala (Jerry Lee Lewis)

Clubs, Spears, and Shields (Kid Rock)

Huge Women, Puny Men (Techno)


Clip Clop, Bang Bang, Clip Clop, Bang Bang (The Osmond Brothers)

Miss Kitty Left Me, So I'm Sleeping With My Horse (The Who)

Two Asses in a One Horse Town (Opera Warm-Up)


Hey, What's That? (The Police)

She's All Mine (Louis Jordan)

Hot Hot Fever, Cold Cold Chills (Zydeco)


Turnbuckle, Turnbuckle (Reggae)

Piledriver (Romantic Italian Ballad)

One, Two, Kickout (Square Dance Calling)

Zookeeper (1)

(elephant sound) ('60s Protest)

Bears and Sloths ('50s Polka)

Please Don't Feed (Diana Ross)

Zookeeper (2)

The Mammal Love Song (Chinese Opera with Pavarotti)

The Lion Ate The Pig (Russian Folk)

Zookeeper (3)

The Snakes Don’t Have a Pit to Hiss In (Gangster Rap with 1940's Gangsters)

Tranquilizer Dart (Scottish Rock)

Zookeeper (4)

Look What the Monkey's are Doing (Johnny Cash & Shakira)

Escape (Bluegrass)