This is the Whoserpedia's page for Irish Drinking Song lyrics, covering the entire US series, as well as any that may have been played on other programs.

Affair

Performers: Wayne Brady, Gary Anthony Williams, Ryan Stiles, Colin Mochrie

All: Ohhhh, aye-di-dye-di-dye-di-dye-di-dye-di-dye-di-dye!

Wayne: I met a lass in Kilkenny,

Gary: I loved her with my heart!

Ryan: But now she's done something bad,

Colin: When we made love, she'd fart!

Wayne: She met someone else,

Gary: She left me, clear and dry,

Ryan: I think I might divorce her,

Colin: And then I'll get real high!

All: Oh, aye-di-dye-di-dye-di-dye-di-dye-di-dye-di-dye!

Gary: I said, what are you doin'?

Ryan: You're breaking us up, here!

Colin: You're screwing all over town,

Wayne: Giving away your rear!

Gary: She said "I don't love ya!"

Ryan: I hate the sight of your face,

Colin: Go and put out a fire,

Wayne: Ahh, bitch!

All: Ohhhh, aye-di-dye-di-dye-di-dye-di-dye-di-dye-di-dye!

Ryan: Did I mention she's a bitch?

Colin: She's very small and... tall...

Wayne: (laughs)

Gary: (laughs) ...not at all!

Ryan: I'll never forget that woman,

Colin: She ran off with my doctor,

Wayne: And now, I realise,

Gary: I never should have socked her! (laughs)

All: Ohhhh, aye-di-dye-di-dye-di-dye-di-dye-di-dye-di-dye!

Colin: We might get back together,

Wayne: Who knows, life is funny!

Gary: Life can be so strange, my friend,

Ryan: I think I'll buy a bunny.

Colin: I don't know really what that means,

Wayne: She didn't ate my thing,

Gary: It's just not who I am,

Ryan: Just hold my ding-a-ling!

All: Oh, aye-di-dye-di-dye-di-dye-di-dye-di-dye-di-dye! Oh, aye-di-dye-di-dye-di-dye-di-dye-di-dyyyye-di-dyyyye!

Birth

Broke Up

Date to Get Pancakes

Performers: Wayne Brady, Jeff Davis, Colin Mochrie, Ryan Stiles

All: Ohhhh, aye-di-dye-di-dye-di-dye-di-dye-di-dye-di-dye!

Wayne: Tell me, what do you want to eat?

Jeff: A pancake in the day?

Colin: My batter is so smooth,

Ryan: It makes me feel so gay!

Wayne: It is so, so fluffy,

Jeff: That when I put one down,

Colin: I like to add some fruit to it,

Ryan: I wear a buttered crown!

All: Ohhhh, aye-di-dye-di-dye-di-dye-di-dye-di-dye-di-dye!

Jeff: I prefer the buttermilk,

Colin: I like it all over.

Ryan: I flip them in the air,

Wayne: And then I pour it over.

Jeff: I served it with a smile,

Colin: I'm happy all day long,

Ryan: I spread on the butter,

Wayne: Because this is where it belongs!

All: Ohhhh, aye-di-dye-di-dye-di-dye-di-dye-di-dye-di-dye!

Colin: I met my wife through pancakes,

Ryan: She came for my flapjacks!

Wayne: She stayed because of me griddle,

Jeff: She's terrific in the sacks!

Colin: She likes to have such fun,

Ryan: I think I'll marry her,

Wayne: And put butter on top of her ring,

Jeff: To cover up her fur!

All: Ohhhh, aye-di-dye-di-dye-di-dye-di-dye-di-dye-di-dye!

Ryan: Oh, I'm so full of pancakes!

Wayne: So full to burstin'!

Jeff: If I have one more,

Colin: That would be the worst thing!

Ryan: The syrup's very sticky,

Wayne: Mmm, so good!

Jeff: And when I put it on at night,

Colin: Oooh, I get some wood!

All: Oh, aye-di-dye-di-dye-di-dye-di-dye-di-dye-di-dye! Oh, aye-di-dye-di-dye-di-dye-di-dye-di-dyyyye-di-dyyyye!

Divorce (1)

Divorce (2)

Performers: Wayne Brady, Gary Anthony Williams, Colin Mochrie, Ryan Stiles

All: Ohhhh, aye-di-dye-di-dye-di-dye-di-dye-di-dye-di-dye!

Wayne: California is a no-fault state!

Gary: Strat-dast-ashore!

Colin: I have left my wife,

Ryan: That dirty little whore!

Wayne: She’s gone, I’m gone, we’s pract nixed!

Gary: I’m so happy, hooo!

Colin: Yippee-i-o-ki-yay-ki-yay,

Ryan: Foodie-doodie-doo!

All: Oh, aye-di-dye-di-dye-di-dye-di-dye-di-dye-di-dye!

Gary: Well, one day, I loved her,

Colin: And then the next day, not.

Ryan: Now, I can’t even look at her,

Wayne: She’s no longer hot!

Gary: But I’ll find another,

Colin: As sure as the day is long,

Ryan: She will be much younger,

Wayne: And she will appreciate schlong!

All: Oh, aye-di-dye-di-dye-di-dye-di-dye-di-dye-di-dye!

Colin: I’ve found the woman of my life!

Ryan: Blonde, silky hair,

Wayne: Arms like a linebacker,

Gary: And big old boobies there.

Colin: She loves me, also,

Ryan: All my faults and all,

Wayne: She accepts me as a complete human being,

Gary: And she’s not very tall!

All: Oh, aye-di-dye-di-dye-di-dye-di-dye-di-dye-di-dye!

Ryan: Okay, she’s made of plastic,

Wayne: Yeah, she’s blow up.

Gary: Sure, she’s full of air,

Colin: On her, I rest my cup!

Ryan: But she understands me,

Wayne; And she never ever talks back,

Gary: But I will never poke her,

Colin: Yak-kak-kak-kak-kak!

All: Oh, aye-di-dye-di-dye-di-dye-di-dye-di-dye-di-dye! Oh, aye-di-dye-di-dye-di-dye-di-dye-di-dyyyye-di-dyyyye!

Drew Carey (1)

All: Ohhhh, aye-di-dye-di-dye-di-dye-di-dye-di-dye-di-dye!

Wayne: I've seen him on network tv,

Drew: He's seen among the streets,

Colin: He's always got a great big smile,

Ryan: He's looking kinda neat.

Wayne: He has short hair and glasses

Drew: And other things that aren't so short,

Colin: He is very kind,

Ryan: And this I will retort.

All: Ohhhh, aye-di-dye-di-dye-di-dye-di-dye-di-dye-di-dye!

Drew: I hear he is a nice guy,

Colin: He dresses really well,

Ryan: The tall guy in his show is funny,

Wayne: And the black guys is really swell.

Drew: But let's not forget his bald friend,

Colin: Because he's really good,

Ryan: Sure he got lot's of money,

Wayne: You'll never catch him in the hood!

All: Ohhhh, aye-di-dye-di-dye-di-dye-di-dye-di-dye-di-dye!

Colin: He's generous to all his friends,

Ryan: He's got lots of cash,

Wayne: And if you go over to his place,

Drew: He'll kick you in the ash.

Colin: He's got a great big TV,

Ryan: He lets you watch it there,

Wayne: And then you can watch the big screen,

Drew: At the Lilifair.

All: Ohhhh, aye-di-dye-di-dye-di-dye-di-dye-di-dye-di-dye!

Ryan: His glasses are kinda funny,

Wayne: People think they're fake,

Drew: Especially these glasses,

Colin: He is quite a rake.

Ryan: Oh, but he's a very good guy now,

Wayne: And he has telephatic powers,

Drew: And he can fly through the airplane (oh shoot),

Colin: He's wearing a thong for hours!

All: Ohh, aye di dye di dye di dye di dye di dye di dye!

Ohh aye di dye di dye di dye di dyeeee diiii dyeeee diiii dyeeeee!

Drew Carey (2)

All: Ohhhhhh, aye di dye di dye di dye di dye di dye!

Wayne: Oh if I were drew,

Chip: I'm handsome as a god,

Colin: I would be so happy,

Ryan: My face looks like a cod.

Wayne: All the women love me,

Chip: And all the guys do too

Colin: Everybody loves me

Ryan: [laughs]

All: Ohhhhhh, aye di dye di dye di dye di dye di dye!

Chip: I think I'll go and get a show,

Colin: I'm very successful you know,

Ryan: I take my glasses of right now,

Wayne: And look at me, I glow!

Chip: I'll get some laser surgery,

Colin: I'll make everyone laugh,

Ryan: I'll run around with my clothes off,

Wayne: Ha ha ha ha, ha ha!

All: Ohhhhhh, aye di dye di dye di dye di dye di dye!

Colin: I'm generous to of all,

Ryan: Give my money away,

Wayne: I throw it by the bucketful,

Chip: And there's some right today,

Colin: Here, all my friends!

Ryan: Come live in my house,

Wayne: Hey, come on now, you,

Chip: We're all hung like a mouse!

All: Ohhhhhh, aye di dye di dye di dye di dye di dye!

Ryan: I'll give them all a raise now,

Wayne: And then I'll hug him,

Chip: And then I'll say you lovely,

Colin: I'll never, never, buck 'em.

Ryan: I'll give them all my cars,

Wayne: I let them sleep in my beds,

Chip: 'Cause I'm the greatest boss there is,

Colin: I'll rub Colin's head!

All: Oh, aye di dye di dye di dye di dye di dye di dye!

Oh, aye di dye di dye di dye di dyeeee diiii dyeeee diii dyeeee!

Fell Out of a Car

First Car

First Kiss

Got Arrested

Got Mugged

Performers: Wayne Brady, Chip Esten, Colin Mochrie, Ryan Stiles

All: Ohhhhhh, aye di dye di dye di dye di dye di dye!

Wayne: I took my lass on a date,

Chip: We went out for the night,

Colin: As we hit the parking lot,

Ryan: I got into a fight.

Wayne: Scuffled, he took my wallet,

Chip: And ran away so fast,

Colin: I started crying,

Ryan: On the stone I passed.

All: Ohhhhhh, aye di dye di dye di dye di dye di dye!

Ohhhhhh, aye di dye di dye di dye di dye di dye!

Chip: I screamed just like a lassie,

Colin: I ran right after him,

Ryan: I jumped into my car,

Wayne: The mugger's name was Tim.

Chip: I put up on my siren,

Colin: And it roared out loud,

Ryan: He came to a stop,

Wayne: And beat me in front of a crowd.

All: Ohhhhhh, aye di dye di dye di dye di dye di dye!

Colin: I decided to take action,

Ryan: I hit him with a club,

Wayne: I hit him where the sun don't shine,

Chip: He said: "Hey watch it Bob!"

Colin: And then he ran away from me

Ryan: I followed him,

Wayne: I became a hero,

Chip: And my name is Tim!

All: Ohhhhhh, aye di dye di dye di dye di dye di dye!

Ryan: I still hear from him,

Wayne: From often,

Chip: He writes a little letter,

Colin: It's as soft as cotton,

Ryan: Someday I'll write back,

Wayne: He's my best friend,

Chip: And now we both are Pen Pals,

Colin: He put my stone back in my end!

Colin: Oh, aye di dye di dye di dye di dye di dye di dye!

Oh, aye di dye di dye di dye di dyeeee

All: diiii dyeeee diii dyeeee!

Graduation (1)

Graduation (2)

Graduation (3)

Hair Transplant

Hairy Back

Job Interview

Knocked Over the Christmas Tree

Lobotomy

Performers: Wayne Brady, Jeff Davis, Colin Mochrie, Ryan Stiles

All: Oooooh aye di dye di dye di dye di dye di dye di dye!

Wayne: I had a lobotomy,

Jeff: And now I'm not so nuts,

Colin: They took away half my brain,

Ryan: Now I eat cigarette butts.

Wayne: Now I am not too bright,

Jeff: Now I'm kind of sane,

Colin: I am really stupid,

Ryan: Hey is that the rain?

All: Oooooh aye di dye di dye di dye di dye di dye di dye!

Jeff: I used to go down on the streets,

Colin: I used to have a scar,

Ryan: Now I ask for money,

Wayne: And I chase cars, woof woof!

Jeff: But when I come into your town,

Colin: I like to shout a lot,

Ryan: I run around and scream a lot,

Wayne: Wow, this is hot.

All: Oooooh aye di dye di dye di dye di dye di dye di dye!

Colin: Oh I feel much better,

Ryan: I think I'll go back home,

Wayne: And then after I finished,

Jeff: I'll marry a lawn gnome.

Colin: Boy that'll be so beautiful!

Ryan: As happy as can be,

Wayne: Because I don't care too much you see,

Jeff: From my lobotomy!

All: Oooooh aye di dye di dye di dye di dye di dye di dye!

Ryan: I really need a job now,

Wayne: I looked in the paper,

Jeff: But I can never find nothing,

Colin: I have a scraper.

Ryan: But I'll keep on looking

Wayne: I'm looking 'till I can't see,

Jeff: If you want someone who's nuts,

Colin: Be host on TV!

All: Oh aye di dye di dye di dye di dye di dye di dye!

Oh aye di dye di dye di dye di dyeeeee diiii dyeeeee diii dyeeeee!

Marriage

New Baby

All: Oooooh aye di dye di dye di dye di dye di dye di dye!

Wayne: Today my wife gave birth

Greg: To a tiny tot

Colin: A little bouncing happy boy

Ryan: It just went splat

Wayne: Look at him

Greg: Cute as he can be

Colin: I am so delirious

Ryan: I might have two or three.

Oh aye di dye di dye di dye di dye di dye di dye!

Greg: This baby was unexpected

Colin: I didn't planned it all through

Ryan: I did use a condom

Wayne: She said it doesn't belong to you

Greg: He dresses like a girly

Colin: And he dresses in pants

Ryan: But I'm kicking him out of the house

Wayne: Because he cannot dance

Oh aye di dye di dye di dye di dye di dye di dye!

Colin: Although the baby isn't mine,

Ryan: I took it as my own

Wayne: I'll raise it as a happy lad

Greg: And put it in me home

Colin: I'll take it out to ball games,

Ryan: I'll show him around the town,

Wayne: And I'll stop calling him 'it',

Greg: And borrow money when he is grown

Oh aye di dye di dye di dye di dye di dye di dye!

Ryan: He's old and he's left home now

Wayne: He's gone, see you later

Greg: He's off to university

Colin: He works for Perot later

Ryan: I miss him every day,

Wayne: We write and call him by phone

Greg: Sometimes he just texts me

Colin: We never circumcised his bone.

Oh aye di dye di dye di dye di dye di dye di dye!

Oh aye di dye di dye di dye di dyeee diii dyeeee dii dyeeee!

Passed Wind

Pregnant on a Date

Shouted Out the Wrong Name in Bed

Slept With an Ugly Woman

All: Oooooh aye di dye di dye di dye di dye di dye di dye!

Wayne: Once I was celebratin',

Brad: I went to bed,

Colin: I had too much to drink,

Ryan: Woke up to an ugly head.

Wayne: She turned over,

Brad: And I saw her face,

Colin: I screamed in surprise,

Ryan: Then I sprayed her with Mace!

All: Oooooh aye di dye di dye di dye di dye di dye di dye!

Brad: I jumped, growled, and ran away,

Colin: And put on all my clothes,

Ryan: And then I ran from the house,

Wayne: I hit her I do suppose.

Brad: But she chased right after me

Colin: She got into her car

Ryan: She didn't get there

Wayne: She looked like Jamie Farr!

All: Oooooh aye di dye di dye di dye di dye di dye di dye!

Colin: Although she was so ugly,

Ryan: I took her anyway,

Wayne: I use her to scare children away,

Brad: What the hay?

Colin: Boy, it really worked good,

Ryan: I remembered that day

Wayne: That I took her to the dog park,

Brad: Then, what the hay?

All: Oooooh aye di dye di dye di dye di dye di dye di dye!

Ryan: I tried to forget it,

Wayne: I tried to drink a lot,

Brad: Because she was so ugly,

Colin: She needed an inkspot,

Ryan: Then that day would come again

Wayne: That I'd meet her,

Brad: I was so scared,

Colin: It looked like someone had beat her!

All: Oh aye di dye di dye di dye di dye di dye di dye!

Oh aye di dye di dye di dye di dyeeeee diiii dyeeee diii dyeeeee!

Voted for Ross Perot

All: Oooooh aye di dye di dye di dye di dye di dye di dye!

Wayne: Who's the little man,

Greg: With the giant ears.

Colin: I voted for him years ago,

Ryan: He bought me lots of beers.

Wayne: He was a millionaire,

Greg: And he had lots of cash.

Colin: And he used it, used it all.

Ryan: He never bought me hash!

All: aye di dye di dye di dye di dye di dye di dye!

Greg: He was a tiny billionaire,

Colin: Tiny as could be.

Ryan: He didn't get a lot of votes,

Wayne: He got me!

Greg: He ran on the reform ticket,

Colin: And he had big feet.

Ryan: But, he's still my favorite,

Wayne: He can not be beat!

All: Aye di dye di dye di dye di dye di dye di dye!

Colin: His party was a strange one,

Ryan: I voted anyway.

Wayne: I went and I casted my ballot,

Greg: I laughed along the way.

Colin: He lost by a landslide,

Ryan: But I still support him so.

Wayne: I wonder what he's doing now?

Greg: I've heard he lives alone.

All: Aye di dye di dye di dye di dye di dye di dye!

Ryan: I hope he runs again someday,

Wayne: Maybe in a couple years.

Greg: I hope when he runs this time,

Colin: He gets better ears.

Ryan: Again he'll have my vote there.

Wayne: You will see.

Greg: Because there is no one else,

Colin: HA HA HA HA HE!!!

All: Aye di dye di dye di dye di dye di dyyyye di dyyyyyyye!

Went on a Date with No Money

CWSeed Bloopers

Cinco De Mayo

Wayne Brady, Jeff Davis, Colin Mochrie, Greg Proops

All: Oooooh aye di dye di dye di dye di dye di dye di dye!

Greg: It's the finest holiday,

Wayne: That you've ever seen,

Jeff: We celebrate it every year,

Colin: It's the happiest I've been.

Greg: And when we're done with partying,

Wayne: Just between us,

Jeff: And as they say in Mexico,

Colin: Hey, a fetus!

Colin: Oooooh aye di dye di dye di dye di dye di dye di dye!

(Everyone else cracks up, Wayne yells to Aisha "PENIS! I was giving him penis!")

All: Oh aye di dye di dye di dye di dye di dyyyye di dyyyyyyye!

Drew Carey Show - Drew Live 2

When Mimi and Drew Made Love

Funniest Part of the Human Body

What Bill Clinton Will Do When He's Out of Office

Drew Being Lactose Intolerant

Alternative Uses for Martha Stewart

Chip Esten, Wayne Brady, Mimi Bobeck (Kathy Kinney), Mr. Wick (Craig Ferguson)

All: Oooooh aye di dye di dye di dye di dye di dye di dye!

Chip: You'll put her in your den,

Wayne: You'll put her in the oven,

Mimi: You'll scrape up the mud with her,

Nigel: And put her in the... gloven,

Chip: You'll decorate her heinie,

Wayne: And you'll decorate it well,

Mimi: You'll shave her head...

Wick: ...and give her a big spell!

All: Oooooh aye di dye di dye di dye di dye di dye di dye!

Wayne: She's popular in the hood,

Mimi: She's popular in Mehico,

Wick: She's popular in gay bars,

Chip: Thanks a lot, Mimi,

Wayne: She's popular wherever,

Mimi: I really like her a lot,

Wick: You should have tried getting it from Dwayne,

Chip: Martha is so hot!

Oh aye di dye di dye di dye di dye di dye di dye! Hey!

If Dogs Ruled the World

The Arsenio Hall Show

Lunch Date with the Police

Whose Line is it Anyway? UK - Live at Adelphi

Circumcision

Performers: Greg Proops, Josie Lawrence, Colin Mochrie, Brad Sherwood

All: Oooooh aye di dye di dye di dye di dye di dye di dye!

Greg: I had this extra bit of skin

Josie: So this is what I did

Colin: I went to the doctor

Brad: Had him trim it like a kid

Greg: They cut me end off round and round

Josie: Oh, it hurt me so

Colin: Tears came to my eyes

Brad: ...so I had a go!

All: Oh aye di dye di dye di dye di dye di dye di dye!

Josie: I said to me mother,

Colin: Should it hurt like this?

Brad: But she said, that's natural

Greg: I'm just taking the piss!

Josie: I feel its cut too hard

Colin: It's starting to swell

Brad: Put a little ice on it

Greg; And let me feel the bell!

All: Oh aye di dye di dye di dye di dye di dye di dye!

Colin: The pain lasted three weeks

Brad: ...in between us

Greg: And when I couldn't feel no more

Josie: I looked at me penis

Colin: I said it was hurting

Brad: Like my testicles

Greg: And then I looked upon meself

Josie: And so I cut me balls!

All: Oh aye di dye di dye di dye di dye di dye di dye!

Brad: Later the inflammation

Greg: Started me to swell

Josie: Throbbin', throbbin', throbbin'!

Colin: I thought, what the hell?!

Brad: I stopped wearing pants

Greg: And went around au notch

Josie: Then I said to my mate

Colin: I'll never see a snatch!

All: Oh aye di dye di dye di dye di dye di dye di dye! Oh aye di dye di dye di dye di dye di dyyyye di dyyyyyyye!

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