Music Lyrics/Not WLiiA/Improvaganza

This is Whoserpedia's page for Drew Carey's Improv-a-Ganza lyrics. These are from the short-lived 2011 GSN show.

Greatest Hits

Big Game Hunter - "I Killed It in Kenya" (Irish Ballad)

Jeff: A long time ago

Far far away

I was out on the plains

Hunting all day

When what should happen to pass me

But a hippo I did see?

I killed him in Kenya

Brad: Fiddle-dee-dee

All: Fiddlee-dee-dee

Jeff: I killed him in Kenya

All: Fiddle-dee-dee

Chip: There was an elephant

I killed it so (Brad/Jeff echo: so)

How it got in my pajamas I'll never know (Jeff echo: I'll never know)

It had to be him

For it could have been me

I killed him in Kenya

All: Fiddle-dee-dee

Dietitian - "Saturated Fat" (Bob Marley)

Chip: Oh yeah! Oh no! <scats> Ow! Ow!

Jonathan: <growls>

Jeff: Growing up, laying in the yard

I can't do no exercise, my arteries got hard

Chip: Too hard!

Jeff: I got so damn fat

From too much, from too much

All: Saturated Fat!

Chip: Fat is the fat that you...

Jeff: Saturated Fat!

Jonathan: Satur! Ated! Satur! Ated!

Chip: Polyunsaturated fat! Woooooah.

Jonathan: Oh, daddyumdah when the saturated fat is not that good

Cause it make you not feel good, you don't it want it, you know you should.

And that is right, it's right, you eat it and you know you strollin'

Don't need no saturated fat cause you want a line from mouth to your colon

All: Saturated fat!

Chip: 1, 2, 3, 4, Woah! Hey Hey!

Don't eat so much mayonnaise! Everybody!

Jeff: I ate too many potatoes and yams

Not too many saturated fat grams

But if you go to the Krispy Kreme's

You're going to have so much fat in between!

Chip: So, don't eat the fat, the fat that's in you.

Jonathan: Don't eat the fat, the fat that's in you.

Chip: Can you give me one stop!

Jonathan: Don't eat the fat, the fat that's in you. Don't eat the fat, the fat that's in you.

Jeff/Jonathan: Saturated, saturated, saturated

Chip: Two times!

Executioner - "Lethal Injection" (Old School Rap)

All: Yo! It's a lethal injection! What what! <repeat ad libs>

Jeff: MGM, get your hands up! Come on, let me see your hands up!

I committed crimes in this town

And now they're gonna try to lay me

All: DOWN

Jeff: I killed a young girl, her name was Mabel

They're gonna put me on the big flat

All: TABLE

Jonathan: That is right, there's no intersection

Ouch! My arm! A painful injection

Coming at you, gonna roll a seven

Uh oh, my a*** ain't going to heaven

Chip: Some people are lucky, some people are not

You're the kind that's not, 'cause you're 'bout to get a

All: SHOT

Chip: I got a new injection, it's not gonna feel good

I think if you do the other kind you feel REAL good

Jeff: Now the first big needle puts you out to sleep

The second injection's one you don't want to keep

That's the injection that tires your brain

The third injection makes you feel insane

Slowly, slowly you start to die

The lids go down over your eye

The people from the glass, watching your a**

Why you getting killed? You don't have to ask!

Jonathan: It's a lethal injection!

Chip: What!

Jonathan: It's a lethal injection!

Chip: What!

All: It's a lethal injection!

Chip: In your butt!

Jonathan: Lethal... check it check it check it check it check it!

<Chip pretends to scratch records>

Jonathan: L to the ethal, I to the njection

Uh oh! Get an erection

Chip on the table, that's not nice

Give it to me once!

Chip: 400 CCs, 400 CCs

Jonathan: TWICE!

All: Lethal! Lethal! Lethal! Lethal!

Chip: What you gonna do? It's a Lethal Weapon 2!

Jeff: Lethal injection, you're 'bout to die.

Why you gonna die? Yo, don't ask

ALL: WHY

Jeff: You killed 40 people and you didn't even care

You mother***er, just lie down there!

Chip: Shot for shot, that's the shot I got! (x2)

All: Shot for shot, that's the shot I got!

Chip: You think you are the lucky one, but you are not.

All: Lethal injection! Lethal injection! Lethal injection! Lethal injection!

Jeff: Peace!

Farmer - "Dust Storm" (Jazz Ballad)

Chip: Thank you all for coming down to the feed barn

Jeff: Hay is half-off while we're on stage

Chip: Hey!

Jeff: What?

Chip: Half-off!

Jeff: Oh.

<Chip prepares to sing.>

Jeff <interrupting>: Dust STOOOOOOOORM!

Dusty dusty wind.

Sand... in my shoes.

I can't grow a goddamn thing.

Ooo what.... do I dooooooooo??

Chip: DUST storm!

<Jeff scats>

Chip: Windy windy dust.

Jeff: Sandy teeth!

Chip: Trumpet solo!

<Jeff mimes trumpet and plays a single note>

Jeff: Dust STOOOOOOOOORM!

Sandy, sandy airrrrrrrrr...

Chip: We should probably wear some kind of ventilating mask.

Jeff: A tumbleweed just went from there... to THEEEEEERE!

DUST STOOOOORM! <begins miming trumpet>

Chip: Here comes a cyclone, just look at them

I'll never find my Autie Emmmm!

Jeff: There is no place like... <in falsetto> home

And no matter how far my wanderlust may roam

Chip: There's something in my heart that keeps me safe and warm.

It's a du...

Jeff <interrupting, again>: DUST STOOOOOOOORM!

DUST STOOOOOORM!

Chip: It's your old trusty

Not damp and musty

Jeff: <interrupting> Gonna make your tractor tires all rustyyyyyyyy

Both: It's a...

Jeff <attempts to muffle Chip>: DUST

Chip <seizes both microphones>: DUUUUUUUUUUUUST STOOOOOORM!

Hog Farmer - "Our Love is Like Pork" (French)

Jeff: Our love is like pork

Brad: <mimes harmonica>

Jeff: That's what I say

First you eat it, you crave it You digest it, your love goes away

I fell in love with you, my pig, you were the only one for me

When I said, "Do you want me,"

You would say, "Sooo, oui oui!"

Sooo, oui oui!

Chip: Sooo, oui oui!

Jeff: Sooo, oui oui!

Chip: Sooo, oui oui!

Our love was so nice, our love was so sweet

Our love was the other white meat

I know you think I'm a jerk

But I love, I love my little pork

Brad: Tell me... <Chip echoes> what you want me to do.

Jeff: He's singing! Shut the f*** up!

Brad: I want you to be my barbecue!

Chip: My barbecue...

Brad: Your love comes dripping off my fork

For you are the love that I love and I truly love pork

Jeff: Oh, love is like pork!

Chris: Oh!

Jeff: It's your one and your all

It's seems so right and yet it's filled with so much cholesterol!

Chris: And what will I do when my piggy is gone?

Au revoir, la petit cauchon!

Brad: <fake French>

Jeff: And when love, like pork, is finally through

I'll just say, "that'll do, pig!"

All: "That will do!"

Lumberjack - "Flap My Jack" (Tunes for Tots)

Jeff: Good evening, boys and girls.

Chip: <in an Australian accent> G'day!

Jeff: We've got a song to sing for you, and if you know the chorus, you can sing along.

Chip: This one's a cracker, so everybody's gonna have a good time! Am I right?

Jeff: Where are you from?

Chip: I don't know.

Jeff: <whispers> Wow!

What's the name of the song? I've already forgotten, because I have been drinking!

Chip: Can you kids say drinking?

Jeff: Oh, "Flap My Jack?"

Chip: Oh yes!

Jeff: "Flap My Jack!"

Flippity flap, flippity flap

Put a pancake on the stack

Everybody flap my jack!

Flippity flap, flippity flap

<Chip joins> Put a pancake on the stack

Everybody flap my jack!

Jeff: Ker-flop!

Chip: We've got one cake on the bottom

On top and in the middle

You pour a little batter

And you put it on the griddle

And then you're all done

If you want more you can come back

So everybody flippity flap

And you can flap my jack!

Chip and Jeff: Flippity flap, flippity flap <Chip forgets the words>

Jeff alone: Put a pancake on the stack

Everybody flap my jack!

Chip: Oh yes!

Both: Flippity flap, flippity flap

Put a pancake on the stack

Everybody flap my jack!

Jeff: Everybody now!

Both: Flippity flap, flippity flap

Put a pancake on the stack

Everybody flap my jack!

Chip: That's right!

Jeff: Just you, sir! <points the microphone at an audience member>

Audience Member: Flippity flap, flippity flap, flippity flap

Jeff: NO! WRONG! Flippity flap

Put a pancake on the stack

Everybody needs a good breakfast in the day.

Flippity flap, flippity flap

Put a pancake on the stack

And don't take my butter away!

Chip: The batter, the batter

Soft as silk

The batter, the batter,

Is buttermilk!

The batter, the batter,

The better the batter, the bitter the batter, the batter the bitter, the batter, the batter...

PLAY BALL!

Jeff: Flippity flap, flippity flap

Put a pancake on the stack

Everybody flap my jack!

Everybody now!

Jeff/Chip/Greg/Ryan: Flippity flap, flippity flap

Put a pancake on the stack

Everybody flap my jack!

Stockbroker - "Bailout" (Memphis Soul)

Jeff and Chip: <alternating> Huh! Yeah!

Jeff: I gotta fix the stand!

Hey! Scream and shout!

Let me hear you wail "bailout!"

I said, hey! Scream and shout!

When I stay "wail," you all gonna bail me out.

I gotta fix the stand!

Chip: Well, Imma gonna go to a fancy jail

And my company's too big to fail

The government will help me, no no doubt

Uncle Sam is gonna bail me out.

Bail me out!

Jeff: Baby, I know most of you's poor

A guy named Madoff made off with your door

Oh baby, when it rains it can hair

Come on and bail!

Chip and Jeff: You've got to bail! Bail me out!

You've got to bail! Got to bail me out!

Chip: I know that life can be risky

When you put your money down

There's a lot of people that you can cheat

Hollywood all around!

<dance break>

Jeff: Chip, let me see you go all the way down

Bail it out, Chip! Bail it out, bail it out to the ground!

Chip: <wails and does a split>

Jeff: Let me hear you wail and shout

When I say "bail," you say bail me out!

Chip: I said "bail!" "Bail me out!

I said bail! Bail me out!

One more, I said bail! Bail me out!

Jeff: <pointing the microphone at an audience member> Just you! Bail!

Audience member: "Bail me out!"

Jeff: Very special!

Chip: Listen, I've gotta go to prison now. We don't want to go to prison. But we've got to go to prison! You've been a great audience! One of these days you're gonna send your money; you're gonna send your taxes; and you're gonna bail me out!

Jeff and Chip: You're gonna baaaaaail... Bail me out!

Stripper - "You Gotta Tip Me a Twenty" (Elizabethan)

Chip: Hey nonny nonny and a yo ho ho

Jonathan: Sha la la la la

Jeff: With a nonny nonny hey and a shonny nonny na

Chip: Nonny nonny

Jonathan: Sha la la la la

Jeff: Hey there, Mr., hey there, son

Don't give me nickels, don't give me a one

If you want to tip me, you'd better give me plenty

Tip me twenty

Chip: If you want me to lose these pantaloons

You'd best go get your gold dubloons

I know that you haven't got any

So be gone cause you can't tip... me... twenty

Jeff and Jonathan: Nonny nonny nonny nonny hey ho

Jonathan: Well you've definitely got something going on

And I hate to say that stripper is his mom

All: Hey nonny nonny nonny

Jeff: If it's gold and it's money that you all lack

Don't throw it on the stage; you can stick it in my crack.

Everybody out there give me many many

If you're going to tip me, tip me....

Chip and Jonathan: Twenty

Jeff: Sha la la la la la looo la laaa!