Comparisons on ABC

Season 1

Picture Episode Joke
115 Drew.jpg
US-115 "...where everything's made up and the points don't matter. Just like Little League."

Season 2

Picture Episode Joke
US209220226.jpg
US-209 "Yep, just like the police department in Colombia." and "That's right, the points don't matter, just like the word 'international' in 'International House of Pancakes.'"
US205225230.jpg
US-205 "It's like, you know, the warning on a pack of cigarettes." and "It's like the talent portion of a beauty contest."
US206222.jpg
US-206 "That's right, the points don't mean a thing, just the a bow tie on a Chippendale dancer." and "just like a congressman from Rhode Island."
US201231345.jpg
US-201 "Just like the plot of a porno movie."
US209220226.jpg
US-220 "Just like saying your luggage has been with you since you packed it."
203234346 Drew.jpg
US-203 "Just like deodorant to a New York City cab driver."
202221 Drew.jpg
US-202 "The points here are like pants to Hugh Hefner." and "The points here are a lot like the, uh, new shows on UPN. Nobody seems to care."
212223 Drew.jpg
US-212 "The points are just like soap in the men's room." and "The points are like your social security money in ten years."
202221 Drew.jpg
US-221 "The points here are kinda like Canada."
204224347 Drew.jpg
US-204 "The points here are kinda like Jerry Springer's final thought." and "The points are like the other guy from "Wham!" Also, "Just like a stop sign at 3 in the morning, the points don't matter. Especially if there's a kitten with a flower across the street."
US206222.jpg
US-222 "That's right, the points don't mean a thing, just like the host of an improv show. After a while you figure, 'We don't need this.'"
211228344 Drew.jpg
US-211 "Just like a surveillance camera at the 99 cents store." and "That points are just like, uh, batting practice to the Dodgers."
212223 Drew.jpg
US-223 "The points are just like a suggestion box as Tiananmen Square."
213236315 Drew.jpg
US-213 "The points are like a TV Guide on your wedding night. If you're lucky. They don't matter." and "The points are like an epilady in France."
207238 Drew.jpg
US-207 "The points can never be used, or will never be used, just like my exercise bike."
204224347 Drew.jpg
US-224 "That's right, points don't matter, just like a stripper's name."
208233 Drew.jpg
US-208 "That's right, the points are like underwear to Sharon Stone." and "Yes, doesn't matter, like what's in this cup. What do you care what I'm drinking?"
US205225230.jpg
US-225 "That's right, they don't matter at all, just like the second person you ever slept with." and "That's right, the points don't matter, just like tasteful shoes to Ryan Stiles."
210232 Drew.jpg
US-210 "That's right, just like union solidarity to a major league umpire." and "They're like vows at a celebrity wedding, they just don't matter."
215227343 Drew.jpg
US-215 "It's like the censor on 'The Donnie and Marie Show.'" and "The points just don't matter, like pick-up lines to Brad Pitt."
US209220226.jpg
US-226 "Yep, they don't matter, just like the Do Not Disturb sign on your hotel room door."
215227343 Drew.jpg
US-227 "The points are useless, just like a personal check from Willie Nelson."
216229342 Drew.jpg
US-216 "That's right, points are just for appearances only, just like a politician's family."
211228344 Drew.jpg
US-228 "The points are like, uh,I dunno, spy satellites over Canada. Why do we bother?" and "That's right, the points are like uh...I dunno. Something that doesn't matter."
216229342 Drew.jpg
US-216 "Yep, the points don't matter, just like DNA to the Simpson jury."
US205225230.jpg
US-230 "Just like the price tags at a 99 cents store."
US201231345.jpg
US-231 "That's right, just like a hat at an orgy, doesn't matter." and "Like the Queen of England."
217235 Drew.jpg
US-217 "The points are useless, just like a degree in philosophy." and "That's right, the points are useless, just like a liberal in Texas."
210232 Drew.jpg
US-232 "Like last names at closing time, points don't matter." "That's right, the points are just like the first three quarters of an NBA game."
208233 Drew.jpg
US-233 "They're useless like the rack of speedos at the big & tall shop." and "Five million points. Of course, that's points that I've never used, like my thighmaster."
203234346 Drew.jpg
US-234 "The points are like the drapes at, uh, Pamela and Tommy Lee's house."
217235 Drew.jpg
US-235 "They're useless. Just like the lottery ticket in your pocket." "That's right, like borders to Germans."
214341 Drew.jpg
US-214 "The points are just like opera in Alabama."
218237 Drew.jpg
US-218 "That's right, the points here are just for appearances only, just like my gym bag."
213236315 Drew.jpg
US-236 "That's right, the points are like the pictures of food on the Denny's menu." Also, "Welcome back to Whose Line is it Anyway? the show where everything's made up and the points don't matter. Yep, we're just like the Cleveland Browns!"
219239348 Drew.jpg
US-219 "That's right, the points are useless, like a condom to a Trekkie."
218237 Drew.jpg
US-237 "That's right, the points are, uh, like the Swiss Army."
207238 Drew.jpg
US-238 "That's right. The points are like the buffet at a strip club."
219239348 Drew.jpg
US-239 "That's right, the points don't mean a thing, like when I say 'I love you' when I'm drunk."
*Reused in US-348

Season 3

Picture Episode Joke
302320323330 Drew.jpg
US-302 "That's right, the points are just like Twinkies Light."
303322338421 Drew.jpg
US-303 "That's right, the points are just like the female characters in A Perfect Storm."
3123283178002 - Drew.jpg
US-312 "That's right, the points are just like my ab machine."
305319333331 - Drew.jpg
US-305 "That's right, the points are just like the Clinton legacy."
305319333331 - Drew.jpg
US-319 "That's right, the points are like the word 'rapid' in 'rapid transit.'"
306329316 - Drew.jpg
US-306 "That's right, the points are just like the actors union to Tiger Woods."
304321325 - Drew.jpg
US-304 "That's right, the points are like our border with Mexico."
302320323330 Drew.jpg
US-320 "That's right, the points are just like the brunette from ABBA."
313 - Drew.jpg
US-313 "That's right, the points don't matter at all, just like Blair Witch 2."
214341 Drew.jpg
US-341 "That's right, the points are like a Starbucks across the street from a Starbucks."
309324411314 - Drew.jpg
US-309 "That's right, the points are as worthless as the phrase campaign finance reform."
216229342 Drew.jpg
US-342 "That's right, the points here are useless, like uh Keith Richards to a vampire."
301335422 Drew.jpg
US-301 "Yep, the points are useless, just like an L.A. Clippers ticket."
304321325 - Drew.jpg
US-321 "That's right, the points are just like Friday afternoon at work."
303322338421 Drew.jpg
US-322 "That's right. The points are useless. Just like a degree from an online university." and "That's right, the points...do not exist. They're like uh, a real lesbian in a lesbian chat room. Don't ask me how I know that. I just do."
302320323330 Drew.jpg
US-323 "That's right, just like the plot in Mission: Impossible II, the points don't mean a thing." and "Yep, the points are just like your high school guidance counselor."
327310334 - Drew.jpg
US-327 "That's right, the points are like a bicycle-riding fish to a lesbian."
3073323268012 - Drew.jpg
US-326 "That's right, the points are like uh who's behind you in the buffet line. Who cares?"
*Reused in Episode US-8012
304321325 - Drew.jpg
US-325 "That's right, the points are like a microphone at a Britney Spears concert."
3073323268012 - Drew.jpg
US-307 "That's right, the points are like ninety percent of your mail."
3123283178002 - Drew.jpg
US-328 "That's right, the points are like the border patrol. I said it and I don't care who knows."
*Reused in Episode US-8002
305319333331 - Drew.jpg
US-333 "That's right. The points are like the twelveth step to Darryl Strawberry."
327310334 - Drew.jpg
US-310 "That's right, the points are like if uh 'N Sync and the Backstreet Boys traded guys." and "That's right, the points are like that twenty dollar bill that Tiger Woods finds in a jacket he hasn't worn in a while."
306329316 - Drew.jpg
US-329 "That's right, the points don't even exist, like royalty payments from Napster. You'll never see 'em." and "That's right, the points are like the buffet to Ally McBeal."
301335422 Drew.jpg
US-335 "That's right, the points don't matter, just like the first four questions on Millionaire."
3113373397012 - Drew.jpg
US-311 "That's right, the points are something you'll never see, like Pat Buchanan in the White House."
302320323330 Drew.jpg
US-330 "That's right, the points are as useless as taking pills to lose weight while you sleep."
3363084208009 - Drew.jpg
US-336 "That's right, the points are like a dog leash in Tijuana."
327310334 - Drew.jpg
US-334 "That's right, the points are like a fully-loaded, top-of-the-line Yugo."
332 - Points.jpg
US-332 "That's right, the points are like who the President is."
305319333331 - Drew.jpg
US-331 "That's right, the points are like the fruit plate at a rib joint."
303322338421 Drew.jpg
US-338 "That's right, the points are just like what the second man on the moon said."
215227343 Drew.jpg
US-343 "That's right, like foreplay to men. Uh not me, of course, but everbody else." and "You know, you never see the points on the show, do you? You never see...yeah, it's kinda like the bathroom on the Starship Enterprise. It's gotta be somewhere."
3113373397012 - Drew.jpg
US-339 "That's right, the points are just like Garth Brooks at the Apollo."
211228344 Drew.jpg
US-344 "That's right, the points are useless, like a LoJack an AMC Gremlin." and "That's right, the points are like napkins at a fraternity house."
4104184277010 - Drew.jpg
US-410 "That's right, the points are just like the XFL."
3363084208009 - Drew.jpg
US-308 "That's right, the points are just like the future of UPN."
40741942470158014 - Drew.jpg
US-407 "That's right, the points are just like a referee in the XFL." and "That's right, the points are something you'll never see, like a Sharper Image store in Amish country."


Season 4

Picture Episode Joke
401417426 - Drew.jpg
US-401 "That's right, the points are like the part of the Victoria's Secret catalog where they sell the pants."
4054134237016 - Drew.jpg
US-405 "That's right, the points are just like...I don't know, good taste to the man who makes Ryan's shoes."
309324411314 - Drew.jpg
US-324 "That's right, the points are worthless, just like Shaquille O'Neal at the free-throw line."
3363084208009 - Drew.jpg
US-420 "That's right, the points are like a wicker bedpan."
3123283178002 - Drew.jpg
US-317 "That's right, the points are like a Lutheran deli."
4054134237016 - Drew.jpg
US-413 "The points are like what you look like when you're in a chat room."
213236315 Drew.jpg
US-315 "That's right, the points are useless, like chick movies."
4094147022 - Drew.jpg
US-414 "That's right, they don't matter at all, the points are like Oktoberfest in Israel."
3184287008 - Drew.jpg
US-318 "That's right, the points are like uh what the cast of Big Brother is up to right now."
40741942470158014 - Drew.jpg
US-419 "That's right, the points are just like my treadmill."
*Reused in episode US-8014
301335422 Drew.jpg
US-422 "They don't exist, just like a wealthy accordion player."
3113373397012 - Drew.jpg
US-337 "That's right, the points don't matter, just like the Swiss Navy."
4104184277010 - Drew.jpg
US-418 "That's right, the points are like anything standing directly behind Jennifer Lopez."
507511 - Drew.jpg
US-507 "That's right, the points are just like pants to a toll booth operator."
401417426 - Drew.jpg
US-417 "That's right, the points are like that Beanie Baby you paid ten thousand dollars for."
41243270017024 - Drew.jpg
US-412 "That's right, the points are like that D.U.I you got twenty-four years ago." and "That's right, the points are like a pep talk to the Cleveland Browns."
*Joke two reused in episode US-7024
303322338421 Drew.jpg
US-421 "That's right, the points are like the tonic in a gin and tonic."
309324411314 - Drew.jpg
US-411 "That's right, the points are like Angel(in)a Jolie's morning breath."
4154317007 - Drew.jpg
US-415 "That's right, the points are just like how good a tennis player Anne Kournikova really is."
4094147022 - Drew.jpg
US-409 "That's right, the points are like whatever the delivery guy in a porno movie's delivering."
4054134237016 - Drew.jpg
US-423 "That's right, the points are something you'll never see, like me on the box of Wheaties."
*Reused in Episode US-7016
416429430 - Drew.jpg
US-416 "That's right, the points are like flat abs when you got a great sense of humor and two T.V. shows."
508512517520 - Drew.jpg
US-508 "That's right, the points are just like J.Lo's husband's name."
40360470057021 - Drew.jpg
US-403 "That's right, the points are like ninety percent of your cable channels."
4044256057018 - Drew.jpg
US-404 "That's right, the points are just like four out of the Jackson Five."
4154317007 - Drew.jpg
US-431 "That's right, the points are like Pamela Lee's IQ."
4027117025 - Drew.jpg
US-402 "That's right, the points don't matter at all, just like your girlfriend's friends."
416429430 - Drew.jpg
US-429 "That's right, the points are just like uh...just like the dialogue on Baywatch."
4104184277010 - Drew.jpg
US-427 "That's right, points are just like the sound guy who fra - i - di - my - icrophone."


Season 5

Picture Episode Joke
507511 - Drew.jpg
US-511 "That's right, the points are like a Canadian coin in an American vending machine."
509514606610 - Drew.jpg
US-509 "That's right, the points are just like your laserdisc player."
406518601 - Drew.jpg
US-406 "That's right, the points are like uh Barry White CDs when you're all alone."
508512517520 - Drew.jpg
US-512 "That's right, the points are just like anything your girlfriend tells you while you're watching the game." and "That's right, the points are just like a peep hole in a nursing home."
4044256057018 - Drew.jpg
US-425 "That's right, the points are as useless as the guy giving away the points on Whose Line is it Anyway?, the show where everything's made up and the points don't matter."
*Reused in Episode US-7018
433701370238005 - Drew.jpg
US-433 "That's right, the points are just like a great Spam recipe."
5068010 - Drew.jpg
US-506 "That's right, if the points were on Scooby-Doo, they'd be Velma."
5135156077004 - Drew.jpg
US-515 "That's right, the points are just like steak sauce in India."
504521603 - Drew.jpg
US-504 "Points are like, Parking tickets to a judge"
508512517520 - Drew.jpg
US-517 "That's right, if the points were on Happy Days, they'd be Richie's older brother."
5106086127003 - Drew.jpg
US-510 "That's right, the points are like pro-football in LA."
40851970027017 - Drew.jpg
US-408 "That's right, the points are so worthless, they might as well end in '.com.'"
5135156077004 - Drew.jpg
US-513 "That's right, the points are fake, but they look and feel real!" and "That's right, the points are about as useless as that computer you bought last Christmas."
509514606610 - Drew.jpg
US-514 "That's right, the points are just like Memphis without Graceland." After Drew walks down the audience steps sideways, Ryan says, "Can you come down the stairs normal? I've got a mortgage." Drew adds, "Yeah. Points are like that last joke. Doesn't matter."
406518601 - Drew.jpg
US-518 "That's right, the points are as ridiculous as a armed guard at a ninety-nine cents store."
5036097020 - Drew.jpg
US-609 "That's right, the points are just like a wedding ring on business trip."
509514606610 - Drew.jpg
US-610 "That's right, the points are just like whether your porn is on DVD or VHS."
504521603 - Drew.jpg
US-603 "That's right, the points are just like cheeseburgers after you've had angioplasty. Might as well not exist."
5016117011 - Drew.jpg
US-611 "That's right, the points are like the bing and the bang without the boom. Ho!"
5135156077004 - Drew.jpg
US-607 "That's right, the points just don't exist. Uh, the points are like online privacy. No such thing."
40851970027017 - Drew.jpg
US-519 "That's right, the points are just like the sports in the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition." and "That's right, the points are just like everything else when you own a Porsche."
306329316 - Drew.jpg
US-316 "That's right, the points are like the NFL draft to Richard Simmons."
50270097019 - Drew.jpg
US-502 "That's right, the points are just like a centerfold's favorite color."
51670148016 - Drew.jpg
US-516 "That's right, you'll see the points when Anna Nicole Smith sees her feet."
406518601 - Drew.jpg
US-601 "That's right, the points are like a breath mint at a garlic festival."
5106086127003 - Drew.jpg
US-608 "That's right, if the points were cheerleaders, they'd be guy cheerleaders."
509514606610 - Drew.jpg
US-606 "That's right, if the points were a military power, they would be Canada."
5106086127003 - Drew.jpg
US-612 "That's right, the points are just like the talent portion of the Miss United States contest. Miss America contest. You know what I meant."
508512517520 - Drew.jpg
US-520 "That's right, the points are just like that cute thing your baby just learned to do." and "That's right, the points are just like conversation at a strip club."
401417426 - Drew.jpg
US-426 "That's right, the points don't mean a thing, uh, the points are like whatever you say after sex."
4044256057018 - Drew.jpg
US-605 "That's right, the points are something you'll never see, just like Mrs. Richard Simmons."
40360470057021 - Drew.jpg
US-604 "That's right, the points are just like the police in Columbia."


Season 6

Picture Episode Joke
602505 - Drew.jpg
US-602 "That's right, the points don't mean a thing, the whole show is really just like women's tennis. Uh, doesn't matter who wins, just fun to watch."
40741942470158014 - Drew.jpg
US-424 "That's right, the points are just like the angry voices in my head."
219239348 Drew.jpg
US-348 "That's right, the points don't mean a thing, like when I say 'I love you' when I'm drunk."
*Reused from US-239
204224347 Drew.jpg
US-347 "That's right, points don't matter, just like a stripper's name."
*Reused from US-224
US201231345.jpg
US-345 "The points here are just like the tip jar at Starbucks." "Yep, just like congress, they don't matter." and "Just like the president."
602505 - Drew.jpg
US-505 "That's right, if the points were cheese, it would be whiz."
416429430 - Drew.jpg
US-430 "That's right, the points are just like parking tickets."
309324411314 - Drew.jpg
US-314 "Yep, the points are like the refridgerator at Calista Flockhart's house."
203234346 Drew.jpg
US-346 "That's right, the points here kinda like the, uh, the food at Hooters." and "That's right, the points don't matter, just like a comb to Colin Mochrie."
3184287008 - Drew.jpg
US-428 "That's right, the points are just like how your ex is doing."

Season 7

Picture Episode Joke
41243270017024 - Drew.jpg
US-7001 "That's right, the points are like what your girlfriend says when the game is on."
40851970027017 - Drew.jpg
US-7002 "That's right, the points are just like how wrong your girlfriend is when you're having a fight with her."
5106086127003 - Drew.jpg
US-7003 "If the points were Barbies, they'd be Midge."
5135156077004 - Drew.jpg
US-7004 "That's right, the points are useless, just like public transportation here in Los Angeles."
40360470057021 - Drew.jpg
US-7005 "Points are like those chaint pips you ate as a kid. I'm sorry, I mean paint chips"
4027117025 - Drew.jpg
US-711 "That's right, the points are like Fourth of July in England"
4154317007 - Drew.jpg
US-7007 "That's right, the points are like The host on Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
3184287008 - Drew.jpg
US-7008 "That's right, the points are like most of the movies that began as Saturday Night Live sketches"
50270097019 - Drew.jpg
US-7009 "That's right, the points are like your chiropractor's medical degree"
4104184277010 - Drew.jpg
US-7010 "That's right, the points are just like Father's Day at Madonna's house" and "If the points had any value right now, Anna Nicole Smith would be fetching us all beer."
5016117011 - Drew.jpg
US-7011 "That's right, the points are like who has to use the bathroom after you do" and "That's right, the points are like my Tom and Nicole poster"
3113373397012 - Drew.jpg
US-7012 "That's right, the points don't matter, just like the cost of your funeral"
433701370238005 - Drew.jpg
US-7013 "That's right, the points are just like the Los Angeles public school system"
51670148016 - Drew.jpg
US-7014 "That's right, the points are just like any job you can get with a liberal arts degree."
40741942470158014 - Drew.jpg
US-7015 "That's right, the points are just like whatever music they play during a lap dance." and "That's right, the points are just like the guy that hosts the show where the points are made up and everything doesn't matter."
4054134237016 - Drew.jpg
US-7016 "That's right, the points are something you'll never see, like me on the box of Wheaties."
*Reused from US-423
40851970027017 - Drew.jpg
US-7017 "That's right, the points are just like your contractor's first estimate"
4044256057018 - Drew.jpg
US-7018 "That's right, the points are as useless as the guy giving away the points on Whose Line is it Anyway?, the show where everything's made up and the points don't matter."
*Reused from US-425
50270097019 - Drew.jpg
US-7019 "That's right, the points are like a Judy Garland festival at Camp Pendleton."
5036097020 - Drew.jpg
US-7020 "That's right, the points are just like an accordion in an unlocked car" and "That's right, the points are like my left artery"
40360470057021 - Drew.jpg
US-7021 "Points are how fat I am when I'm in a strip club."
4094147022 - Drew.jpg
US-7022 "That's right, the points are like the Alaskan wilderness to an oil company." and "That's right, the points are like Cindy Margolis in street clothes."
433701370238005 - Drew.jpg
US-7023 "That's right, the points are just like Morning breath when you're horny."
41243270017024 - Drew.jpg
US-7024 "That's right, the points are like a pep talk to the Cleveland Browns."
*Reused from US-412
4027117025 - Drew.jpg
US-7025 "That's right, the points are like Canadian History Books."

Season 8

Picture Episode Joke
3123283178002 - Drew.jpg
US-8002 "That's right, the points are like the Border Patrol."
*Reused from US-328
433701370238005 - Drew.jpg
US-8005 "That's right, the points are like a vibrator with dead batteries."
3073323268012 - Drew.jpg
US-8012 "That's right, the points are like uh who's behind you in the buffet line. Who cares?"
*Reused from US-326
40741942470158014 - Drew.jpg
US-8014 "That's right, the points are like my treadmill"
*Reused from US-419
3363084208009 - Drew.jpg
US-8009 "That's right, the points are like whatever your parents just said."
51670148016 - Drew.jpg
US-7014 "That's right, the points are just those How-To gamble books they sell you in Vegas."


Comparisons on TheCW

Season 9

Picture Episode Joke
Aisha - S9 Keegan.jpg
US-9x03 "And much like looking for a Vegetarian Restaurant in Texas, the points don't matter."
Aisha - S9 Jonathan.jpg
US-9x04 "And much like bookshelves in a Kardashian Home, the points mean nothing"

Season 10

Picture Episode Joke
Aisha - S10 Gary.jpg
US-10x06 "And like the truth on the internet, the points don't matter."
Aisha - S10 Brad.jpg
US-10x13 "And like self restraint at Kanye West's house, the points don't matter."
Aisha - S10 Jeff.jpg
US-10x14 "The points don't matter, much like a ladder at Ryan Stiles' house."
Aisha - S10 Heather.jpg
US-10x18 "The points don't matter, much the internet at Ryan's' house."
Aisha - S10 Jeff.jpg
US-10x19 "and much like a shirt that isn't plaid at Ryan Stiles' house, the points don't matter"

Season 11

Picture Episode Joke
Aisha - S11 Keegan.jpg
US-11x03 "And like a fine-toothed comb at Keegan-Michael Key's house, the points don't matter."
Aisha - S11 Greg.jpg
US-11x17 "And much like a hairbrush at Ryan Stiles' house, the points don't matter."

Season 12

Picture Episode Joke
Aisha - S12 Jonathan.jpg
US-12x11 "And like computers at Ryan Stiles' house, the points don't matter."
Aisha - S12 Jonathan 2.jpg
US-12x20 "And like that fake Kung-Fu I just did, the points don't matter."

Season 13

Picture Episode Joke
Aisha - S13 Gary.jpg
US-13x07 "And like Internet Security, the points don't matter."
Aisha - S13 Jeff.jpg
US-13x08 "And like the Popular Vote, the points don't matter."

Season 15

Picture Episode Joke
Aisha - S13 Jonathan.jpg
US-15x10 "And like these stairs right here, the points don't matter."
Aisha - S11 Gary.jpg
US-15x15 "And much like the speed limit to The Flash, the points don't matter."
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