Points Comparisons

Comparisons on ABC

Season 1

Picture	Episode	Joke
	US-115	"...where everything's made up and the points don't matter. Just like Little League."

Season 2

Picture	Episode	Joke
	US-209	"Yep, just like the police department in Colombia." and "That's right, the points don't matter, just like the word 'international' in 'International House of Pancakes.'"
	US-205	"It's like, you know, the warning on a pack of cigarettes." and "It's like the talent portion of a beauty contest."
	US-206	"That's right, the points don't mean a thing, just the a bow tie on a Chippendale dancer." and "just like a congressman from Rhode Island."
	US-201	"Just like the plot of a porno movie."
	US-220	"Just like saying your luggage has been with you since you packed it."
	US-203	"Just like deodorant to a New York City cab driver."
	US-202	"The points here are like pants to Hugh Hefner." and "The points here are a lot like the, uh, new shows on UPN. Nobody seems to care."
	US-212	"The points are just like soap in the men's room." and "The points are like your social security money in ten years."
	US-221	"The points here are kinda like Canada."
	US-204	"The points here are kinda like Jerry Springer's final thought." and "The points are like the other guy from "Wham!" Also, "Just like a stop sign at 3 in the morning, the points don't matter. Especially if there's a kitten with a flower across the street."
	US-222	"That's right, the points don't mean a thing, just like the host of an improv show. After a while you figure, 'We don't need this.'"
	US-211	"Just like a surveillance camera at the 99 cents store." and "That points are just like, uh, batting practice to the Dodgers."
	US-223	"The points are just like a suggestion box as Tiananmen Square."
	US-213	"The points are like a TV Guide on your wedding night. If you're lucky. They don't matter." and "The points are like an epilady in France."
	US-207	"The points can never be used, or will never be used, just like my exercise bike."
	US-224	"That's right, points don't matter, just like a stripper's name."
	US-208	"That's right, the points are like underwear to Sharon Stone." and "Yes, doesn't matter, like what's in this cup. What do you care what I'm drinking?"
	US-225	"That's right, they don't matter at all, just like the second person you ever slept with." and "That's right, the points don't matter, just like tasteful shoes to Ryan Stiles."
	US-210	"That's right, just like union solidarity to a major league umpire." and "They're like vows at a celebrity wedding, they just don't matter."
	US-215	"It's like the censor on 'The Donnie and Marie Show.'" and "The points just don't matter, like pick-up lines to Brad Pitt."
	US-226	"Yep, they don't matter, just like the Do Not Disturb sign on your hotel room door."
	US-227	"The points are useless, just like a personal check from Willie Nelson."
	US-216	"That's right, points are just for appearances only, just like a politician's family."
	US-228	"The points are like, uh,I dunno, spy satellites over Canada. Why do we bother?" and "That's right, the points are like uh...I dunno. Something that doesn't matter."
	US-216	"Yep, the points don't matter, just like DNA to the Simpson jury."
	US-230	"Just like the price tags at a 99 cents store."
	US-231	"That's right, just like a hat at an orgy, doesn't matter." and "Like the Queen of England."
	US-217	"The points are useless, just like a degree in philosophy." and "That's right, the points are useless, just like a liberal in Texas."
	US-232	"Like last names at closing time, points don't matter." "That's right, the points are just like the first three quarters of an NBA game."
	US-233	"They're useless like the rack of speedos at the big & tall shop." and "Five million points. Of course, that's points that I've never used, like my thighmaster."
	US-234	"The points are like the drapes at, uh, Pamela and Tommy Lee's house."
	US-235	"They're useless. Just like the lottery ticket in your pocket." "That's right, like borders to Germans."
	US-214	"The points are just like opera in Alabama."
	US-218	"That's right, the points here are just for appearances only, just like my gym bag."
	US-236	"That's right, the points are like the pictures of food on the Denny's menu." Also, "Welcome back to Whose Line is it Anyway? the show where everything's made up and the points don't matter. Yep, we're just like the Cleveland Browns!"
	US-219	"That's right, the points are useless, like a condom to a Trekkie."
	US-237	"That's right, the points are, uh, like the Swiss Army."
	US-238	"That's right. The points are like the buffet at a strip club."
	US-239	"That's right, the points don't mean a thing, like when I say 'I love you' when I'm drunk." *Reused in US-348

Season 3

Picture	Episode	Joke
	US-302	"That's right, the points are just like Twinkies Light."
	US-303	"That's right, the points are just like the female characters in A Perfect Storm."
	US-312	"That's right, the points are just like my ab machine."
	US-305	"That's right, the points are just like the Clinton legacy."
	US-319	"That's right, the points are like the word 'rapid' in 'rapid transit.'"
	US-306	"That's right, the points are just like the actors union to Tiger Woods."
	US-304	"That's right, the points are like our border with Mexico."
	US-320	"That's right, the points are just like the brunette from ABBA."
	US-313	"That's right, the points don't matter at all, just like Blair Witch 2."
	US-341	"That's right, the points are like a Starbucks across the street from a Starbucks."
	US-309	"That's right, the points are as worthless as the phrase campaign finance reform."
	US-342	"That's right, the points here are useless, like uh Keith Richards to a vampire."
	US-301	"Yep, the points are useless, just like an L.A. Clippers ticket."
	US-321	"That's right, the points are just like Friday afternoon at work."
	US-322	"That's right. The points are useless. Just like a degree from an online university." and "That's right, the points...do not exist. They're like uh, a real lesbian in a lesbian chat room. Don't ask me how I know that. I just do."
	US-323	"That's right, just like the plot in Mission: Impossible II, the points don't mean a thing." and "Yep, the points are just like your high school guidance counselor."
	US-327	"That's right, the points are like a bicycle-riding fish to a lesbian."
	US-326	"That's right, the points are like uh who's behind you in the buffet line. Who cares?" *Reused in Episode US-8012
	US-325	"That's right, the points are like a microphone at a Britney Spears concert."
	US-307	"That's right, the points are like ninety percent of your mail."
	US-328	"That's right, the points are like the border patrol. I said it and I don't care who knows." *Reused in Episode US-8002
	US-333	"That's right. The points are like the twelveth step to Darryl Strawberry."
	US-310	"That's right, the points are like if uh 'N Sync and the Backstreet Boys traded guys." and "That's right, the points are like that twenty dollar bill that Tiger Woods finds in a jacket he hasn't worn in a while."
	US-329	"That's right, the points don't even exist, like royalty payments from Napster. You'll never see 'em." and "That's right, the points are like the buffet to Ally McBeal."
	US-335	"That's right, the points don't matter, just like the first four questions on Millionaire."
	US-311	"That's right, the points are something you'll never see, like Pat Buchanan in the White House."
	US-330	"That's right, the points are as useless as taking pills to lose weight while you sleep."
	US-336	"That's right, the points are like a dog leash in Tijuana."
	US-334	"That's right, the points are like a fully-loaded, top-of-the-line Yugo."
	US-332	"That's right, the points are like who the President is."
	US-331	"That's right, the points are like the fruit plate at a rib joint."
	US-338	"That's right, the points are just like what the second man on the moon said."
	US-343	"That's right, like foreplay to men. Uh not me, of course, but everbody else." and "You know, you never see the points on the show, do you? You never see...yeah, it's kinda like the bathroom on the Starship Enterprise. It's gotta be somewhere."
	US-339	"That's right, the points are just like Garth Brooks at the Apollo."
	US-344	"That's right, the points are useless, like a LoJack an AMC Gremlin." and "That's right, the points are like napkins at a fraternity house."
	US-410	"That's right, the points are just like the XFL."
	US-308	"That's right, the points are just like the future of UPN."
	US-407	"That's right, the points are just like a referee in the XFL." and "That's right, the points are something you'll never see, like a Sharper Image store in Amish country."

Season 4

Picture	Episode	Joke
	US-401	"That's right, the points are like the part of the Victoria's Secret catalog where they sell the pants."
	US-405	"That's right, the points are just like...I don't know, good taste to the man who makes Ryan's shoes."
	US-324	"That's right, the points are worthless, just like Shaquille O'Neal at the free-throw line."
	US-420	"That's right, the points are like a wicker bedpan."
	US-317	"That's right, the points are like a Lutheran deli."
	US-413	"The points are like what you look like when you're in a chat room."
	US-315	"That's right, the points are useless, like chick movies."
	US-414	"That's right, they don't matter at all, the points are like Oktoberfest in Israel."
	US-318	"That's right, the points are like uh what the cast of Big Brother is up to right now."
	US-419	"That's right, the points are just like my treadmill." *Reused in episode US-8014
	US-422	"They don't exist, just like a wealthy accordion player."
	US-337	"That's right, the points don't matter, just like the Swiss Navy."
	US-418	"That's right, the points are like anything standing directly behind Jennifer Lopez."
	US-507	"That's right, the points are just like pants to a toll booth operator."
	US-417	"That's right, the points are like that Beanie Baby you paid ten thousand dollars for."
	US-412	"That's right, the points are like that D.U.I you got twenty-four years ago." and "That's right, the points are like a pep talk to the Cleveland Browns." *Joke two reused in episode US-7024
	US-421	"That's right, the points are like the tonic in a gin and tonic."
	US-411	"That's right, the points are like Angel(in)a Jolie's morning breath."
	US-415	"That's right, the points are just like how good a tennis player Anne Kournikova really is."
	US-409	"That's right, the points are like whatever the delivery guy in a porno movie's delivering."
	US-423	"That's right, the points are something you'll never see, like me on the box of Wheaties." *Reused in Episode US-7016
	US-416	"That's right, the points are like flat abs when you got a great sense of humor and two T.V. shows."
	US-508	"That's right, the points are just like J.Lo's husband's name."
	US-403	"That's right, the points are like ninety percent of your cable channels."
	US-404	"That's right, the points are just like four out of the Jackson Five."
	US-431	"That's right, the points are like Pamela Lee's IQ."
	US-402	"That's right, the points don't matter at all, just like your girlfriend's friends."
	US-429	"That's right, the points are just like uh...just like the dialogue on Baywatch."
	US-427	"That's right, points are just like the sound guy who fra - i - di - my - icrophone."

Season 5

Picture	Episode	Joke
	US-511	"That's right, the points are like a Canadian coin in an American vending machine."
	US-509	"That's right, the points are just like your laserdisc player."
	US-406	"That's right, the points are like uh Barry White CDs when you're all alone."
	US-512	"That's right, the points are just like anything your girlfriend tells you while you're watching the game." and "That's right, the points are just like a peep hole in a nursing home."
	US-425	"That's right, the points are as useless as the guy giving away the points on Whose Line is it Anyway?, the show where everything's made up and the points don't matter." *Reused in Episode US-7018
	US-433	"That's right, the points are just like a great Spam recipe."
	US-506	"That's right, if the points were on Scooby-Doo, they'd be Velma."
	US-515	"That's right, the points are just like steak sauce in India."
	US-504	"Points are like, Parking tickets to a judge"
	US-517	"That's right, if the points were on Happy Days, they'd be Richie's older brother."
	US-510	"That's right, the points are like pro-football in LA."
	US-408	"That's right, the points are so worthless, they might as well end in '.com.'"
	US-513	"That's right, the points are fake, but they look and feel real!" and "That's right, the points are about as useless as that computer you bought last Christmas."
	US-514	"That's right, the points are just like Memphis without Graceland." After Drew walks down the audience steps sideways, Ryan says, "Can you come down the stairs normal? I've got a mortgage." Drew adds, "Yeah. Points are like that last joke. Doesn't matter."
	US-518	"That's right, the points are as ridiculous as a armed guard at a ninety-nine cents store."
	US-609	"That's right, the points are just like a wedding ring on business trip."
	US-610	"That's right, the points are just like whether your porn is on DVD or VHS."
	US-603	"That's right, the points are just like cheeseburgers after you've had angioplasty. Might as well not exist."
	US-611	"That's right, the points are like the bing and the bang without the boom. Ho!"
	US-607	"That's right, the points just don't exist. Uh, the points are like online privacy. No such thing."
	US-519	"That's right, the points are just like the sports in the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition." and "That's right, the points are just like everything else when you own a Porsche."
	US-316	"That's right, the points are like the NFL draft to Richard Simmons."
	US-502	"That's right, the points are just like a centerfold's favorite color."
	US-516	"That's right, you'll see the points when Anna Nicole Smith sees her feet."
	US-601	"That's right, the points are like a breath mint at a garlic festival."
	US-608	"That's right, if the points were cheerleaders, they'd be guy cheerleaders."
	US-606	"That's right, if the points were a military power, they would be Canada."
	US-612	"That's right, the points are just like the talent portion of the Miss United States contest. Miss America contest. You know what I meant."
	US-520	"That's right, the points are just like that cute thing your baby just learned to do." and "That's right, the points are just like conversation at a strip club."
	US-426	"That's right, the points don't mean a thing, uh, the points are like whatever you say after sex."
	US-605	"That's right, the points are something you'll never see, just like Mrs. Richard Simmons."
	US-604	"That's right, the points are just like the police in Columbia."

Season 6

Picture	Episode	Joke
	US-602	"That's right, the points don't mean a thing, the whole show is really just like women's tennis. Uh, doesn't matter who wins, just fun to watch."
	US-424	"That's right, the points are just like the angry voices in my head."
	US-348	"That's right, the points don't mean a thing, like when I say 'I love you' when I'm drunk." *Reused from US-239
	US-347	"That's right, points don't matter, just like a stripper's name." *Reused from US-224
	US-345	"The points here are just like the tip jar at Starbucks." "Yep, just like congress, they don't matter." and "Just like the president."
	US-505	"That's right, if the points were cheese, it would be whiz."
	US-430	"That's right, the points are just like parking tickets."
	US-314	"Yep, the points are like the refridgerator at Calista Flockhart's house."
	US-346	"That's right, the points here kinda like the, uh, the food at Hooters." and "That's right, the points don't matter, just like a comb to Colin Mochrie."
	US-428	"That's right, the points are just like how your ex is doing."

Season 7

Picture	Episode	Joke
	US-7001	"That's right, the points are like what your girlfriend says when the game is on."
	US-7002	"That's right, the points are just like how wrong your girlfriend is when you're having a fight with her."
	US-7003	"If the points were Barbies, they'd be Midge."
	US-7004	"That's right, the points are useless, just like public transportation here in Los Angeles."
	US-7005	"Points are like those chaint pips you ate as a kid. I'm sorry, I mean paint chips"
	US-711	"That's right, the points are like Fourth of July in England"
	US-7007	"That's right, the points are like The host on Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
	US-7008	"That's right, the points are like most of the movies that began as Saturday Night Live sketches"
	US-7009	"That's right, the points are like your chiropractor's medical degree"
	US-7010	"That's right, the points are just like Father's Day at Madonna's house" and "If the points had any value right now, Anna Nicole Smith would be fetching us all beer."
	US-7011	"That's right, the points are like who has to use the bathroom after you do" and "That's right, the points are like my Tom and Nicole poster"
	US-7012	"That's right, the points don't matter, just like the cost of your funeral"
	US-7013	"That's right, the points are just like the Los Angeles public school system"
	US-7014	"That's right, the points are just like any job you can get with a liberal arts degree."
	US-7015	"That's right, the points are just like whatever music they play during a lap dance." and "That's right, the points are just like the guy that hosts the show where the points are made up and everything doesn't matter."
	US-7016	"That's right, the points are something you'll never see, like me on the box of Wheaties." *Reused from US-423
	US-7017	"That's right, the points are just like your contractor's first estimate"
	US-7018	"That's right, the points are as useless as the guy giving away the points on Whose Line is it Anyway?, the show where everything's made up and the points don't matter." *Reused from US-425
	US-7019	"That's right, the points are like a Judy Garland festival at Camp Pendleton."
	US-7020	"That's right, the points are just like an accordion in an unlocked car" and "That's right, the points are like my left artery"
	US-7021	"Points are how fat I am when I'm in a strip club."
	US-7022	"That's right, the points are like the Alaskan wilderness to an oil company." and "That's right, the points are like Cindy Margolis in street clothes."
	US-7023	"That's right, the points are just like Morning breath when you're horny."
	US-7024	"That's right, the points are like a pep talk to the Cleveland Browns." *Reused from US-412
	US-7025	"That's right, the points are like Canadian History Books."

Season 8

Picture	Episode	Joke
	US-8002	"That's right, the points are like the Border Patrol." *Reused from US-328
	US-8005	"That's right, the points are like a vibrator with dead batteries."
	US-8012	"That's right, the points are like uh who's behind you in the buffet line. Who cares?" *Reused from US-326
	US-8014	"That's right, the points are like my treadmill" *Reused from US-419
	US-8009	"That's right, the points are like whatever your parents just said."
	US-7014	"That's right, the points are just those How-To gamble books they sell you in Vegas."

Comparisons on TheCW

Season 9

Picture	Episode	Joke
	US-9x03	"And much like looking for a Vegetarian Restaurant in Texas, the points don't matter."
	US-9x04	"And much like bookshelves in a Kardashian Home, the points mean nothing"

Season 10

Picture	Episode	Joke
	US-10x06	"And like the truth on the internet, the points don't matter."
	US-10x13	"And like self restraint at Kanye West's house, the points don't matter."
	US-10x14	"The points don't matter, much like a ladder at Ryan Stiles' house."
	US-10x18	"The points don't matter, much the internet at Ryan's' house."
	US-10x19	"and much like a shirt that isn't plaid at Ryan Stiles' house, the points don't matter"

Season 11

Picture	Episode	Joke
	US-11x03	"And like a fine-toothed comb at Keegan-Michael Key's house, the points don't matter."
	US-11x17	"And much like a hairbrush at Ryan Stiles' house, the points don't matter."