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  • Performers
  • Introductions
    • "Now the first contestant comes from America. America has given us some great performers over the years, I'm thinking of Frank Sinatra, Marilyn Monroe, Champion the Wonder Horse, but tonight, tonight it's given us Archie Hahn. You may have seen Archie in Spinal Tap, or even Mork & MindyThe Sunshine Boys, less likely you'd have seen him in Fatal Attraction because he wasn't in it"
    • "Next we have Josie Lawrence, she'll need no introduction to anybody who's met her before, which will include people who have seen her in the Comedy Store Players, the famous troupe of improvisers, who've also lent us our next contestant who is:"
    • "Paul Merton, he's sometimes an improviser, sometimes a standup comedian, but always a dead misery"
    • "Finally, we have John Sessions. What can I say about John? Actor, academic, and regular all-round nice guy, well, those are just a few of his ambitions"


  • Authors
    • Performers - Archie as Stephen King, Josie as Louisa M Allcott, Paul as the person who writes the Janet and John books, and John as Charles Dickens
    • Story - Through the Garden Gate

  • Sound Effects
    • Performers - Paul (acting), Archie (sound effects)
    • Scene - Getting dressed

  • Song Styles
    • Performers - Josie and John
    • Subject - Telephone
    • Styles - Sondheim (Josie), Reggae (John)

  • World's Worst
    • Performers - Archie, Josie, Paul and John
    • Subject - Worst people auditioning for ITN newscaster or newsreader

  •  [commercial break]

  • Props
    • Josie and Archie v Paul and John

  • Party Quirks
    • Performers - Paul (host), Josie (agony aunt), Archie (werewolf), John (theatre director).


  • Authors - 10 points each to Josie, Paul and John, 20 to Archie for mentioning going through a garden wall
  • Sound Effect - 40 points to Archie, 40 to Paul (with a bonus of 5 for getting one item of clothing on)
  • Song Styles - 25 points to Josie and John
  • World's Worst - 10 points all round
  • Props - 100 points to everybody
  • Party Quirks - Paul deserves a full 100 points, but gets 10 for teasing too much. 10 each to everybody else


  • Archie Hahn

Game Debuts

  • Authors Television Debut
  • Sound Effects
  • Song Styles
  • Props
  • Party Quirks


Trivial Highlights

  • Tony Slattery can be seen in the audience in a shot after John's round of Song Styles.